Bezpłatny fragment - A Cure for Anxiety

Foreword

„All emotions are safe, even the unpleasant ones. I can tolerate them, and if I want to, I can work on them effectively. "

In this section of the book, I want to share what I fear, what my fears are. I fear (November 2022) only two things (situations or events): I fear the justice of God (who, after my death, will judge my thoughts, words and deeds committed during my earthly life) and the sudden death of my beloved wife. Other than that, I am not afraid of anything or anyone. You may wonder: „How is this possible? After all, a so-called normal person is afraid of many things, e.g. losing a job, betraying a spouse, contracting a serious illness, war, etc.” And yet it is possible to let go of fears and anxieties if you really want to (at least most of them). It is possible to get rid of fears by working on yourself and developing yourself.

Most fears are unnecessary for us, they do us no good, excessive stress prevents us from enjoying life and living the so-called fulfilled life. We are not made to be afraid. Just think: if someone were to ask you „Is it better to be afraid or not to be afraid?” your answer would probably be obvious, because anxiety, fear and worry are mostly associated with something negative. Yes, sometimes fear or anxiety has a positive function, but in general the ideal state is a life without fears and anxieties.

Life without anxiety is calmer, fuller, better. And this state of inner peace is what we are meant to strive for. I have had over fifty years of life behind me (I was born in 1972), and since 2010 I have consciously started to take care of my personal development. The beginning of this second, better part of my life was a book by Norman Vincent Peale entitled „The Power of Positive Thinking”.

Between 2010 and 2022, I read a lot of personal development books, read some blog posts and personal development magazines (e.g. ”Charaktery”, ”Odnowa”, ”Psychology Today”). I developed my own style (way) of life, got rid of beliefs that were limiting me, limiting my development (e.g. one such limiting belief might be ”It is impossible to live without anxieties”), and adopted supportive beliefs that serve my growth.

I used to be afraid of a lot of things, e.g. of losing my job, of someone beating me up in the street, I had some fear of talking to strangers, I was afraid of exams and certainly many other situations (things, events) that I don’t recall now. Today that is history. I am well on my way to getting rid of even the two fears I mentioned above.

I encourage you to carefully read this book, which is designed to help you „»work through«” your anxieties, i.e. the things that limit you and prevent you from living the life you would like to live. So, take up the challenge: dare to work on your anxieties and live happily by facing the daily challenges that life brings.

Introduction.
What will you learn
from this book?

This book is divided into four chapters, each of which deals with a separate aspect of anxiety and fear.

In chapter one, I outline what anxiety and fear are (among other things, I give their definitions). In chapter two, I describe the negative sides of living with anxieties. In chapter three, I give reasons for getting rid of most (or all) anxieties. In chapter four, I introduce ideas related to anxieties and describe how to do practical exercises to “work through” anxieties in order to deal with them effectively.

At the end of this book you will find: Summary and Conclusions, Glossary of Terms Contained in The Book, Acknowledgements and Bibliography (in alphabetical order by authors’ names).

I wish you an enjoyable reading of the rest of this book and especially wish you perseverance in „working through” your anxieties. I firmly believe that this book will help you, you believe it too. So: read and act! Good luck!

Chapter One.
What are anxiety and fear?
Why are they present
in our lives?

Our lives are often anxious. Each of us experiences some form of anxiety from time to time, we fear something, and we also experience fear. But what are anxiety and fear? How do we define them? I have included definitions of these three terms in the glossary at the end of this book.

Anxiety is one of the six basic emotions. These include joy, sadness, anger, anxiety, disgust and surprise. In Maria Kerth’s book entitled ”Emotions A-Z. Recognise, Understand, Tame.” you can read the following passage: ”Anxiety is an emotion that accompanies us throughout our lives, ensures the possibility of survival, and protects us from premature death.”

It turns out that anxiety is necessary for us in some life situations, it fulfils useful functions. Maria Kerth writes: ”We are afraid of what we have no control over, because we have been taught to control everything around us without interruption. We are afraid of the present because we are critical of ourselves and our capabilities. We are afraid of the future because the number of factors that shape it is so vast that we cannot predict them all.”

According to Maria Kerth, anxiety has the following functions:

— it protects the whole human race from excessive bravado so that civilisation can survive

— tells us to consider all the circumstances and elements that make up a particular decision

— it informs us of what is safe and what is no longer safe — it sets a personal comfort zone

In Joseph Le Doux’s book “Anxiety. Neuroscience on the track of the origins of anxiety and fear.” the author describes what fear is and what anxiety is. Anxiety and fear are emotions. Joseph Le Doux writes: “Anxiety is a normal part of life — there is always something that worries us, concerns us, that we fear and that stresses us out. But we don’t all experience anxiety equally.”

J. Le Doux writes about anxiety and fear: “In the case of fear (…) it is the specific external threat that is present or imminent that is important. In the case of anxiety, on the other hand, the threat tends to be less defined and its occurrence less predictable — it is something more internal and represents an expectation rather than a fact. It can also be an imagined possibility, with little likelihood of ever happening.”

Thus, fear and anxiety are not the same thing. For example, when we are threatened by a dangerous dog we are dealing with fear, this fear empowers us to defend ourselves against the external threat, and when, for example, we are afraid of losing our job we are dealing with anxiety (“an expectation rather than a fact”).

To better grasp the difference between anxiety and fear complete Exercise One. Anxiety versus fear. Write down examples of anxiety (“an expectation rather than a fact”, “an imagined and unlikely possibility”) and then examples of fear (related to “the presence of an external threat”).

Exercise One. Anxiety versus fear.

Examples of anxiety

…… …

…… …

…… …

…… …

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Examples of fear

…… …

…… …

…… …

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In everyday life we have to deal with everyday fear and anxiety, and sometimes with pathological fear and anxiety. Some people suffer from anxiety disorders. Joseph Le Doux lists the following “fear and anxiety disorders”: paroxysmal anxiety, generalised anxiety, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), social phobias and specific phobias.

In Chapter Two, I will describe the negative sides of living with fears and anxieties.

Chapter Two.
The negative sides of 
living with
anxieties and fears

The source literature certainly cites many negative sides of living with anxieties and fears. In this book I will focus on a few of them (it is not my aim to give an extensive and exhaustive description). As a consequence of human anxieties, we can observe the following negative attitudes:

— avoiding situations that are associated with danger (e.g. someone who fears talking to strangers avoids social situations and those in which someone else might ask or start a conversation)

— lack of taking on life challenges (e.g. someone fears they will not make it at university and gives up applying to university and consequently does not give themselves the chance to make a positive change in their life)

— anxiety about exceeding one’s comfort zone (e.g. someone accepts his/her current not-so-good job situation, but does not have the courage to leave his/her comfort zone and start looking for a new job; such a person is in his/her comfort zone, but at the same time this zone limits the person who succumbs to this kind of anxiety)

— avoiding contact with unfamiliar people (with the result that opportunities for development are limited, as other people can have a positive influence on us, e.g. they can be role models or inspire us)

The aforementioned psychological attitudes can greatly limit personal development. The anxious person does not want to interact with others, he or she may become somewhat closed in his or her world, which is not (according to him or her) ideal, but this person accepts his or her „limiting” lifestyle.

Now do a practical exercise in which you refer to the four mental attitudes listed above. I have listed the four limiting mental attitudes below; fill in the blanks with your comments related to these attitudes, reflect on whether these attitudes are present in your life and, if so, whether you want to change the attitude and why you want to do so; finally, write down what you will do to get rid of these limiting attitudes that do not allow you to fully develop as a person.

Exercise two. Limiting mental attitudes.

Mental attitudes and your comments related to these attitudes:

— avoiding situations that are associated with danger:

— ……

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— lack of taking on life’s challenges:

— ……

……

……

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— fear of exceeding one’s comfort zone:

— ……

……

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— avoiding contact with unfamiliar people:

— ……

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