Bezpłatny fragment - The boy who was third

The boy who was

third

Carolina Claudia

Pietrusińska

Through the eyes of an unborn child

„Thank you,

That you were

That you are”

„Robert”

Introduction:

“The diagnosis was terrible. Empyema

in the gallbladder. On the same day, she was again on the operating table. I was ten weeks old… I was in my mum’s tummy… and mum didn’t know yet that she wasn’t alone. She didn’t know I existed.”

Chapter 1

Mom that’s me.

I was in so much pain that I thought I couldn’t stand it. That I won’t. At that moment, I guess I wanted to die. I just wanted to stop living. I wouldn’t wish such pain on my worst enemy. Today, remembering those moments, I wonder what to compare this pain to. There is no worse pain than the pain of stones in the gallbladder. Thank you to people who have the same as me and they don’t want to get rid of it. Quick surgery, two cuts and then a life without pain and fear. Current medicine makes everything easier, laparoscopically, without cutting. Doctors are educated and technology is very developed. There’s not even a trace.

I never knew when and in what situation this pain would hit me. It could have appeared after eating a slice of bread, or in my case after drinking a glass of water too quickly. Or just for no reason. unknown. This time he woke me up at night for no apparent reason. Well, this is the day, or actually the night, when it will happen. And it will hurt. It hurt so much.

I have thought many times to „cut down this devilishness. You can live without it. „But I didn’t have the courage. You can live without a gallbladder, without a kidney, like my youngest son Kacper. I am still alive without stomach. Not all organs are needed for happiness. You can live and function normally. Why bother when you can relieve yourself?

This time, I found it to be the last time my illness had an advantage over me. After all, I’m still young, I have my whole life ahead of me, so many dreams and desires. It’s high time to do something about it.

I rolled over at night from side to side. I sat down. I was getting up. I walked around the room on and on. I crouched. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, nothing helped.

Finally I looked into the cupboard — first aid kit with drugs. I took my last painkillers around 4 p.m. I searched other shelves with medicines, plates, a tea cupboard, a drawer with trinkets. ABOUT! I found a hammer. But what is he doing in the fork cabinet? Somehow that didn’t surprise me. Ever since the twins were born, I’ve found strange things in even more strange places where they shouldn’t be. Not to mention how many tools, screwdrivers and other strange tools I found scattered around the house that I couldn’t even name. And what to know what they are for.

I looked at my watch. 2:16. Not good … I had the feeling that the pain was getting worse …

I had similar pains before. But they passed quickly. This one was different. Long. Insistent. I couldn’t catch my breath. He did not let go like the previous ones.

I finally got to bed gently. I tried to do it quietly so as not to wake Robert and the twins sleeping behind the wall. Wall. good yourself. Wall is saying too much. In fact, it was a thin OSB board, a partition wall behind which the kids slept on the mezzanine. We lived on 25 square meters. It had to be somehow „embraced”. This room — our apartment and divide so that each has its own corner. Before, we lived in one from Warsaw’s housing estates in Ursynów in a two-room flat with my in-laws, on the third floor with no elevator in an even smaller room than this. I learned to tiptoe there. Literally. I didn’t feel well there. I had the impression that my husband’s parents were always watching me. They see but don’t look. They follow my every step and wait for my stumbles and mistakes.

Or maybe I was already falling into some phobias? Maybe I was paranoid? It is possible, but then I had the impression that my mother-in-law did not like me and my father-in-law „would not invite me to golf”.

When the twins were born, we decided to return to my family home. It was gonna be easier. It was supposed to be easier …

At least locally.

I thought so. And mom behind the wall. I had high hopes and promised myself a lot after this move. Unfortunately looking at it

In retrospect, I know that it was not a good idea, because after less than a year we moved to another place. But for now, I didn’t have to worry about bringing the twin wheelchair up to the third floor. I had three steps here.

In fact, we had three small rooms, a kitchen, and a small wardrobe in these „several” square meters and a hall. In addition, a larger room divided into two parts. A few years back it was a large guest room in my family house, with a blue sofa, two matching armchairs, a full-walled bookcase with crystals, family souvenirs and in the center of the room a mighty table of wood and heavy as Oak Bartek. In addition, there were six chairs around him with dark blue fabric fittings, the same as this immortal couch. Long live the People’s Republic of Poland. Eternal, unceasing, for some charming. Depressing and angry for me…

Everything in this room was reminiscent of the good pre-gomołka times, when the principle of „make a pledge and stand up” was professed. But I remember well that table, those chairs, that bookcase, that carpet. It all had its charm. The charm of the old days. Supposed better years. I remember wooden windows that did not close properly and when they were closed, they opened with difficulty. How bloody hell hit mom when she had to wash them. The window consisted of nine small panes separated from each other by wooden planks. Every housewife’s dream. They looked nice but washing them was a real nightmare.

This room has undergone many metamorphoses. Probably all generations of Chacińscy and Parżów lived there and now we were to live. The next generation. A young married couple with two children and great plans and hopes for the future. And we lived. I was very happy when my brother suggested that we should take this room and he would move to the first floor. Before moving, we did a general renovation, we got rid of the windows for more modern ones. I got rid of the table and chairs and my mother took the bookcase to her room. Twenty years pass and this bookcase is still there. Every time I visit my mother, I look at this bookcase, I am reminded of the place where it originally stood.

After our move, or rather after moving in from Ursynów, we made this small apartment. We made our little „paradise” out of this tiny room. We had a small kitchen here and in it a gas stove for four burners taken for our joint first marriage installments, a refrigerator, a long table top and kitchen cabinets. We had a dishwasher. We even brought water, installed a heater to have hot water. We put the fireplace on because there was no heating. Everything like in a normal kitchen. In a normal flat. How maybe not a stranger, but a separate and independent family. Because you know best on your own. The twins” room was right behind us. It was a small room with a mezzanine where they slept and chased each other around. Everything is separated by a partition wall. Opening the door to our apartment, a small corridor stretched straight ahead. He measured two steps. Coat racks and shoe cabinets stretched to the left and right. Small shelves overhead where you could put some knick-knacks, hats, scarves and the like. Usually it was always a mess. You could find the proverbial soap there and jam.

Slightly to the right was the entrance door to the main room. It was our bedroom-living room where we slept and we ate meals together. That’s where I drank with mum a coffee by the burning fireplace and we watched some goofy series.

On the right there was a fireplace in which we burned with wood. On the opposite side, a purple corner with huge down pillows, my childhood dream where we slept together with my husband, a small desk, one armchair and a suspended TV stand. Next, a partition wall and a twin room. Very tiny, but there was such a place for their toys, a wardrobe for children’s clothes and a mezzanine where they slept. The dressing room actually made a small storage room. In addition to our clothes, I had shelves for household chemicals and cosmetics. The bathroom was located in a different part of the building, we shared it with other household members and we washed ourselves in the twins” bathtub, heating water with gas. Well, those were the times. Eight years ago we lived in completely different conditions and a lot has changed since then. Man has gained new experiences and it can be said — he has grown up and put many things in his mind and thought over.

The pain continued. I started to panic a little but finally managed to fall asleep. I don’t remember how many times I looked at my watch. How many more times have I fallen side to side.

The next day we planned a barbecue with my husband’s friends. I had average fun. My stomach throbbed, throbbed. I was afraid to eat anything. When I finally felt hungry, I decided to eat something. I ate a grilled sausage and it was a mistake. or maybe not? If it wasn’t for this „meal”, maybe I would still be walking around with a ticking time bomb in me — my gallbladder … or maybe I would be gone because I wouldn’t survive the next pain?

I don’t think I’ve ever driven a car so fast. When I found myself in the hospital at ul. Banacha in Warsaw, opposite the doctor’s office, the doctors found obstruction of the bile ducts and promptly referred them for unclogging. My blood was drawn in the emergency department of the hospital and had an abdominal ultrasound scan and was referred to the ward. In fact, they immediately followed suit and after an hour I was already sitting in front of the operating room for ERCP treatment. I was not able to lie down. The pain increased and decreased. I had the impression that each subsequent attack was worse. I tried to calm down. To think of something pleasant. I closed my eyes. I imagined that I was already home with the twins. That I read them fairy tales, that I paint, draw and do puzzles with them. That we’re having fun again. I closed my eyes and saw these two little devils running around the room. This is for you, I thought. I must be healthy.

I could hear only scraps of words from behind the ajar door … pregnancy … fourth week … no obstacles. we will go sideways …

Those were the last words I remember. When I woke up in a hospital bed, everyone grinned at me and congratulated me. Nurses, doctors. Even the support staff asked if I needed anything. Need! Sleep. So I didn’t dream about it. There will be a baby.

The boy who came third, I thought. However, I myself chastised myself. How do you know it’s gonna be a boy. Hunch? Illusion? Or just the painkillers have already done their job. But I left right away. I was very tired and the anesthesia is not quite gone yet. The last thought I remember is „how is that possible? We were careful. I wanted to have one more child but when I finish my studies and write my master’s degree. Apparently someone had other plans for me. Someone wanted me to postpone my plans and take care of something else — raising children. Since I can remember „my affairs” I have put off until later. I have lived for others. It had to be that way now.

The facts were like this. And funny. Though I personally wasn’t laughing at that moment. I was maybe not broken, but a bit lost. Another child will completely turn my life upside down. After all, I have tiny twins, I do not have a stable house or apartment. Where is the next baby to these poor housing conditions?

The entire gastrology of the hospital at ul. Banacha was buzzing with gossip. Nurses smiled under their breaths as they passed me in the corridor and the doctor who operated on me was proud as a peacock that he was the first to diagnose pregnancy and I returned home without a gallbladder and with a tenant in the tummy.

Most importantly, everything ended well. At least for now. The pains subsided and I never had them again and I was getting used to the thought that I was not alone. That another boy would be crawling beside the twins in nine months” time. Don’t ask me why boy. Just a boy.

„The boy who came third.”

Chapter 2

Two years later.

Kacper

I stood by the sea. My feet were all dirty and wet. They had belts up to their knees. It didn’t bother me at all. On the contrary. I thought it was another great fun, which I had more and more recently. I’m about to jump into the water, slap my bottom on the sand and wash them at the same time. I’ll get them dirty when I get out of the water. And flip flops and feet and knees. And swimming trunks. My mom bought me these nice blue ones. I had Fireman Sam on the front and all blue on the back. I liked this story very much.

And again and again. Although it was the first time I was at the seaside, I felt very good. As if I’ve known this place for a long time.

The sand was warm. But it was different from what I had at home or in the sandbox. This from the sandbox had a different color. The color is yellow. It had a lot of pebbles and no seashells. I was wondering why that one didn’t have shells. After all, sand is sand. But where did the shells go? Maybe Grandpa, when he brought it, forgot to add it? Or maybe all these snails were in such a hurry to escape that they took them with them? Mom said these shells were snail houses. And that he wears them on his back. It must be very difficult for him, since he carries the whole house on his back. And takes it everywhere. I wonder if it has a kitchen and a bathroom? And how does he want to pee or does it come out of the shell? When I want to pee, I go to the bathroom. It is such a room in a cottage. There is also a sink and a bathtub. Or a shower. And you can wash yourself. Handles and feet. And her mouth is dirty. And make a lot of foam in the bathtub. And then it’s a lot of fun.

This sand, here on the beach, is such a miracle that you can make various things from it and it does not break! Even when she spills it with water. Because I know three types of pen. The one here on the beach, the one in the sandbox, and the one in the house.

The sand in the house was pink, blue and green. My mother poured it into such a flat, transparent container that I would have free access to it. And it’s called somehow so strange. Mom said that sand was kinetic sand. A very difficult word. And weird. I could barely remember this difficult name.

Later in my life, I didn’t think about it anymore. What for? It is important that you can play with it in winter and summer, when you feel like it. It is poured into a huge plastic box. I have access to it at any time. I also have a large shell shaped cup and the snail. And a spatula, rakes, a bucket, and a watering can. But these snails are not real snails. The real ones are smaller and they run away. I don’t know why I like to play with them.

I waited for the wave to come. I’ve seen her from afar. I was curious what would happen when he came to see me. I didn’t have to wait long. Water with the force of a waterfall splashed over my little feet and took the sand away from my little feet. I looked down the elbows I had clean too. Fun fun. I wanted to bury myself in the sand again, but before I could sit down, the water tickled my bottom and the wave so strong knocked me over onto the sand. And I was all in the sand again. From the butt to the tiniest toe. I laughed out loud.

Mom ran up.

— Honey, don’t go too far.

I heard her warm, soft and gentle voice. He was concerned but not worried. She knew nothing bad would happen. After all, she was nearby. She was sitting on a blanket and she looked from me to the twins and to Dad.

Dad was nearby and the twins were swimming near the shore. They had big inflatable blue hoops around their waists. Dad kept running up to them. He was catching the ball, jumping over the waves. He threw the ball to them again. And so on and on.

Mama took me by my little hand and walked away a little from the seashore. The water no longer reached my bare feet. Now the sand has stuck to them again.

I looked to the left — water. I looked to the right — water … and sand everywhere. How did it get so much here? Were the excavators running?

and brought him here? Or maybe big bulldozers? The beach was huge! How many of these bulldozers would have to come here? A whole lot…

And excavators. And didn’t they get buried? How did they get buried and how did they get out of here? I’ll ask sometime about it mom.

Somewhere in the distance the world was ending. There was nothing to see far away. There is no land on the other side of the sea. Only water and water. And again the question. Why so much water? It rained a thousand days and a thousand nights and so many attacks? But it must have rained more days. Maybe there was a downpour? But why didn’t this water flood the sand? You can walk on it. And when you follow it, you leave traces.

I took two steps and looked back. I saw my tracks. I looked at my mother. I pointed at it with my finger.

„Yes, honey, these are your footprints, these are your little feet,” she said. I crouched down and looked at them. I touched the place where my foot had left its imprint. I saw a foot and five toes. How is it possible that this trace has stayed here? But not for long, because in a moment a great wave appeared and washed them away. Does not matter. I will make a thousand of such traces this summer. I can! Who will forbid me? I can walk. I can run! I can jump. I can have fun and nothing bad will happen.

I remembered something that made me sad. A few months earlier, I was lying in a hospital room. The walls were white. And I had a lot of crates and boxes around me and other devices. Lots of tubes, wires, cables and connections. I couldn’t move and the equipment around me looked terrible. I didn’t know what was happening. I heard the buzz, conversations of different people. I didn’t recognize those voices. I just knew it wasn’t mom. That it’s not dad. Where are they? Had they left me in my illness? Not! Are! I opened one eye saw my mother. I opened my other eye. I took my dad. Phew. I was relieved to be honest. I’m not alone here! I didn’t remember how I got here. I had no idea but the most important thing was that I was not alone here. Most importantly, when I woke up from the coma, I saw my mother and dad … and I was happier and better. And the tummy didn’t hurt like it used to. I was weak and sleepy but happy. Because she was mom and dad. Only the twins were missing. But it soon turned out that I would see them sooner than I expected.

I have a foggy memory of that. Like a bad dream that ended quickly. But unfortunately I do remember and whenever the memories come back, I hug my mother tightly. I can always hug her. Now, too, I hugged my mother’s legs so tightly that she knew what had happened.

She crouched down beside me. She hugged me. — Honey, it’s okay. Although, we’ll look for pebbles and seashells. After all, Grandma Ewa is waiting for shells from you. Do you remember? You promised you would bring her a whole handful of lovely shells and pebbles. Look! There is a seagull! It’s such a big bird, it’s probably looking for a fish for dinner, shall we try to catch it? She screamed so loud that the birds took flight. They made a circle over us, as if they wanted to show us that they have the upper hand over us and flew a little farther. They sat on the sand. One was looking for something with its mouth in the sand. I thought mom would try to catch them like she said but she held my hand tight and watched them.

Mom always knew what to say and what to do when I was sad. I wonder how she knows all this? How does he know what to say when I’m sad? As if changing the subject, I would forget about the sadness that surrounded me at that moment.

There were only light waves ahead of us and the wind was blowing. Warm and pleasant. The sound of the sea and the singing of the seagulls. There is no land in sight. I was wondering why. Just water, the outline of a pier in the distance. Does the world end there? There must be something behind this water.

From time to time I saw tiny ships drifting on endless waves. I had the impression that I saw little people waving at me from a distance. The people had smiling, happy and satisfied faces.

This vacation was beautiful. They were exceptional. Our first vacation. Joint vacation. Finally mom smiles honestly. I don’t think he’s afraid anymore. Or he is scared but does not show it.

*

My eyesight has improved since the last medical examination. And hearing too. I saw

and heard more. I didn’t have to strain my hearing to hear anything anymore.

And wrinkle my forehead and nose. My mother used to say that when I strain my ears, I frown. And the nose. And I prick up my ears. She knew very well that I couldn’t hear. Then she crouched next to me and she spoke only to me and I looked at her face and mouth. And it was better. Better because I was focusing on what she was saying to me. She also knew I could eavesdrop. She always repeated then and it concerned not only me but also the twins, that if we feel like eavesdropping on what he is talking about

Dad and I are supposed to listen with both ears. Because if we eavesdrop on one, we will miss or not hear fully and then there are misunderstandings.

Once Kubuś came home from school very sad. His eyes were red from crying. Mom was worried and scared. Finally my mother found out what happened. Kubuś heard two teachers talking about one.

One of the third-grade teachers died. Kubuś has been through a lot. He’s a very sensitive child. His mother explained to him that this was the case happens in life. That I was sick too, but I managed to overcome the disease. A few days later, my mother spoke with the twins” teacher. Because the twins go to school. For one class. By the way, she asked what happened to the little boy who died. And what turned out? That Winnie was eavesdropping with one ear, not two. And the case concerned an elderly gentleman who used to be a student at the school where the twins study. Now you know why we have to eavesdrop with two ears?

When I strain my hearing, I want to hear more than my ears can hear. I would like to see that. I’d like to see my nose wrinkle and I make funny faces. It sure looks funny. Sometimes I stand in front of a mirror and wrinkles my nose, shows my tongue. I open my mouths and make faces. He tries to touch his nose with his tongue, and I open my mouths wide. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror. I puff on them and blow. She laughs so loudly in the mirror that mom comes over. He kneels in front of me and we make similar faces together and it’s fun.

*

Some time ago I had surgery. I was two at the time. My kidney was cut out. Fortunately, everything ended well and I came home with my mum and dad. Finally saw the twins. I couldn’t wait to play with them. Why did the doctors cut my kidney? Because I was born sick. Pregnant mom found out that I would be sick. That I will be different. My kidney looked like grapes. And she didn’t want to work like the law. She made me feel bad, had a stomachache and a pee. I couldn’t pee calmly because everything hurt. In addition, it made me have to be in the hospital all the time. Eternal multi-organ infections, drugs, drips, research. It all took up a lot of my childhood life, and I had no time to play. For fun, for mischief, for visits from grandma and grandpa. Always separating from my brothers and not seeing my grandmother and grandfather for weeks. Finally the doctors decided. Finally, everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, information about the removal of a diseased organ — the kidney.

The only thing that reminds me of this operation now is the wound on my side. Mom says I have a second smile on my back. It’s actually a long, bright scar. From right to left. But I pay no attention to it. For what? I have more important things on my mind. Why bother with something that doesn’t hurt me? Why worry about something we have no control over.

Apparently, the cyst on the ureter has also been absorbed, but shhh. It’s a secret. I don’t think about it because I don’t even know what a cyst is. Probably a small tumor or growth. Or a big tumor that shouldn’t be there. I overheard my mom talking to my dad saying it’s okay. Yet you can live with one kidney. That it will only get better now. And you know what? I believe her. Mom never lies. Because why would she lie to me?

You can live with one kidney. You don’t know yet how much you can and what you can do. I’m a terrible bully. A boy full of energy. I can’t help it that I don’t like sitting still.

The child’s world is wonderful and flawless. No worries or worries. Full of fun, mischief and it should be so. And so it is. Although it was not always so.

*

I’m going to collect shells. I have to bring home something. I promised grandma Ewa and grandma Danusia. And Grandma Stasia. Yes! I have three grandmothers. Grandma Ewa is my mother’s mother. Grandma Danusia is my father’s mother and Grandma Staś is the oldest grandmother. This grandma is my mom’s grandma. So my great-grandmother. I still have a fourth grandmother. Her name is also Grandma Danusia, she is Grandpa Leszek’s mother. It’s a bit complicated, I admit, but it’s nice to have so many grandmothers. Especially when Christmas or birthdays are going. Then we get a lot of presents! One gift from each grandmother equals four gifts! One from mum and dad — sometimes two, so it’s already six gifts. Even when the aunts come: aunt Gosia with uncle Tomek and aunt Magda, with uncle Sławek are the next two gifts. And it’s fun!

And probably Grandpa Jurek will want one shell, so I have to try and collect more. Grandpa Jurek is my mom’s dad. I think I have already explained everything thoroughly and I remembered. Because it is so complicated.

ABOUT! There are a lot of seashells! They just came ashore with another wave! I’ll take my brothers by the hand. Kuba on the right, Wiktor on the left. We will go and collect shells and beautiful pebbles. It’s so beautiful here!

I would like to come back here next year.

The next summer when it’s so warm and sunny. When the next school year is over.

We will definitely come back here. I know it. Parents will try to do that. And if not to the same beach, then to another. It will be fun anyway. There will be other shells and pebbles, and the wave will knock me over again. I stopped at the seashore again.

Such a beautiful sight. I admire every moment. I look around — sand and water everywhere.

And that sunset. The sky is colorful then. Red, yellow, purple, orange. There are so many colors that I am not able to grasp and name them. Such a beautiful world. A world without a hospital bed, no tests, no syringes.

With mum, dad, twins.

*

December 2019

How old am I turning today, you ask? Four! Today I’m blowing off the big cake in the shape of a Pepa pig, four equally large birthday candles. And I’ll make a wish. I don’t know what I would like. Probably a huge mountain of toys and a house full of guests. I like when grandmothers come and grandparents, aunts and uncles. But really, I think I would like my mum and dad to be with me always. Let them be happy and smiling. And twins. The world is sad without them. No one to play with and mess with.

Yes, I am 4 years old. How quickly it passed. I remember how holidays were and how I was splashing in the great ocean. How I sailed by ship and motorboat. How my mother bought me a huge seagull mascot and how I fell asleep in a stroller in Łeba and my mother gently rocked the stroller and shielded me from the eyes of curious onlookers. And against the warm rays of the summer sun. Year after year, day after day.

I didn’t even look back and I’m already four years old.

I’m already running, I’m already jumping and I’m happy about every little thing. I play football, although my mother screams that it is impossible to be home. I blow balloons, although not so long ago it was a great difficulty for me, because my small lungs, weakened by the disease, were unable to cope with breathing.

Once we broke a vase with the twins in the hallway of the house. Mom got very upset because I cut myself. The vase fell off the wall-hanging rack and hit me on the shoulder …

It almost fell off and hit me in the head. I didn’t want to mess up. Somehow it turned out the same. My mom got scared because he kind of hit me he could hurt me in the head. The broken head and the hospital again. Or maybe even stitching the cut skin on the head. And I don’t want to stay in the hospital anymore. Since I was born, I was more at home in the hospital. Until I was two, my home was a hospital. Eternal infections and a disease that would not show itself. Or doctors who couldn’t diagnose her? But that’s all in the past. I hope he won’t come back.

But that’s the way it is. I am a child bursting with energy. Another time I broke the cup. I didn’t know it was made of glass … because how was I supposed to know? Another time I threw off another cup it didn’t break. It turned out to be plastic. Just water it spilled on the floor with great panache and flooded half of the living room floor and the wall and glass. My mother leaned on her hips, she smiled under her breath and I was wondering if she would shout at me.

Eventually I messed up again because I’m so clumsy. But now I know. The plates and cups are made of glass. And glasses too. Although there are cups made of plastic and plates but mum doesn’t like them. He says that they wash very badly and only use glass ones and ceramic ships. I wonder why the plates are called ships. After all they they are nothing like ships or even sailboats. I had one plastic cup. It was called the non-spill. In my opinion, this mug was magical and magical. When mom poured tea into him and screwed on the lid it was possible to shake it and nothing spilled. I did various experiments. I turned it upside down and nothing. Not a drop had fallen out of it. I even tried to toss it up or put it on its side and nothing. Mom was looking at me and nodding her head at what I was doing best.

Vases and various strange figurines are also made of glass. We even have a glass candlestick. It’s weird because it’s rectangular in shape. And there’s this weird squiggle at the top. I don’t know what it is but it looks funny. Several times I secretly took it in my hands to see it up close. I was so curious. But I quietly put it back on the shelf whenever I heard my mother’s footsteps.

I know mom doesn’t like him very much. But why, I have no idea. Maybe she doesn’t like it because it’s transparent? Or too big? Or it’s just another item that needs to be washed and wipe the dust off? It says it’s sitting and collecting dust. Because there are so many things in the house. Things that need to be wiped from dust and serve no purpose.

Recently, my mother has taken a step. She wanted to make it easier for herself to work at home. She put everything in the dishwasher, which made very strange noises while washing. I was afraid that it would open and the water would run out. Or that all the plates will fall out. The door will suddenly open and a great foam monster will come out of it. Or some other big creature scares me into getting me wet. No, this diaper is such a joke because I have been dealing with the toilet for a long time. I have a special blue step with a Mickey Mouse and an overlay so that my little bum does not fall into the toilet. And it happened more than once that in a hurry that I forgot the cover and called my mother for help.

And mom was running upset because I had something up again. It must have been ridiculous to see my mom rush into the bathroom and all she could see was my feet waving in the air. The very thought makes me smile to myself.

*

I don’t like sitting still. Because then it’s very boring. Anyway, what child likes to sit

in place of? I don’t think any. Anyway, I don’t know that. Even twins, my brothers. They are constantly running and I try to keep up with them, and although I am small and much younger, sometimes I succeed. I run and jump outside. I ride a bike, help my grandma in the garden and quietly steal her juicy and red strawberries. Or raspberries. Or gooseberries. Because grandma has a garden. Trees grow there and shrubs. But also fruit. Apples, peaches, gooseberries and grapes. Grandma says that next year we will plant carrots and parsley. Then it will be fun. I’ll get my plastic rake and a shovel and I’ll rush to help. She will dig one hole, then a second and a third, and grandma will put vegetable seeds in there, which will grow to the sky like crazy. And the vegetables are delicious. I like carrots. I steal it from my mother when she peels it for tomato soup or broth. It’s really delicious and I like to munch on it and my mother looks at me and is happy. Sometimes I try to steal those carrots without my mom seeing. Unfortunately. Mom must have a sixth sense. As soon as he looks at me, he knows he’s going to lose something. And this time she knew. She looked at my orange-smeared face, then at the counter, and you know what happened to the carrot.

As I said, vegetables are delicious. I don’t understand how you can dislike them. Do all children eat carrots? They’re so delicious and healthy. But this kind of stealing food doesn’t stop at carrots.

You can steal anything from the kitchen counter. If only my short handle reaches it, of course. For example, a sausage when mom makes homemade pizza, or an apple when she bakes apple pie. I also love kabanos sausages. I can eat them endlessly.

At home, mum tries to diversify our time. Although it is not easy. In addition to home duties and professional work, the mother has to help the twins do their homework, cook dinner, wash and iron. Fortunately, my mother works at home at the computer and all day I keep my eye on her. He can even type on the computer while holding me on my lap without looking at the keyboard. And I can always think of an activity to focus its attention on me. Either I pull her ear or her nose. Sometimes I take her eraser hair or pretend to type on the keyboard with her. Very strange things come out that no one understands. Some alien language like this:

koabxkoc opjcjcalsdf lfdkfdjf odfjfDJ m[oi

Can anyone read this? Because even I, the author of these bohomazes, have a problem.

My favorite activity is building with Lego bricks, Dublo bricks and others. I have a lot of them and I like them very much. They are very colorful and fun to build. However, I like the other blue waffle-shaped blocks the most. They are really huge! You can build different armor to cover my handles and feet and other cool stuff. I like to arrange various structures. Then I imagine houses and huge skyscrapers. Cars, the big ones and the small ones, different towers and planes. Once upon a time I built a ship. It was so big that the twins had to help me. They held him tight because he fell over. He was holding Kuba on one side, Wiktor on the other and I was standing on the stool and built. I added more blocks high, high. I think it turned out nice because my mother took a lot of photos as a souvenir. At the end, all three of us sat down in it and we pretended to be in a boat. At sea and we go, just like then on vacation.

Mom takes a lot of photos. Apart from being a writer, she is also a photographer. A photographer is someone who takes a lot of cool and interesting photos. Mom does a lot of them. He goes everywhere with his camera. For holidays, for rides, for walks. Everywhere he takes a camera and two large equipment bags. I used to look at one of them once. Honestly, I have no idea what all these lenses, batteries, cards are for. Mom says that the photos taken are saved on the card, and without the battery, the camera will not take pictures. It is even logical.

But he also builds Lego himself.

And I like to play alone too. No one disturbs me then and does not take the blocks. I have more of them and more great buildings can be made. Although I often called my dad to play. Dad is my playmate. If my dad is at home, he always comes over and plays with me. He sits on the floor and asks, „What are we building?” and I shout loudly: „Dad, will you play with me?”, „We will build a big bridge.” And dad drops all his business and sits on the floor with me. Then we build together. And it doesn’t matter if they are Lego blocks, wafer blocks or plasticine. Most importantly, I’m having fun with my dad. Because I love him very much and I miss him when he’s at work.

Sometimes he takes me to work with him. I help him wash the cars then. Because my dad works on cars. He washes them and cleans, sometimes fixes something in them. I take a cloth in my little handle and polish the trunk or wash the glass. It doesn’t matter that I can’t hold the cloth well. The best fun is being together. Dad and me. Dad never gets angry. He takes me in his arms, hugs me, kisses me on the cheeks and my little neck. He scratches me with his short goatee and it’s fun.

*

Mum also often sits on the floor and plays with us. He puts aside all his affairs, his household chores, washing, ironing, cleaning. He even puts off work. Because she works from home. In front of computer. He’s typing something, he’s always tapping on the keyboard and the sound of them can be heard throughout the house. It always made me laugh. He taps the keys so hard that sometimes I wondered if the keys would fall off. They won’t stick to the computer and I’ll be collecting them from under the table in a moment. But in a moment I think you’re stupid of me. Because they won’t disappear. They can eventually squeeze in so much that you can no longer write anything. I even sneaked into my mom’s computer once. I looked at these funny keys and the characters on them for a long time and wondered what they could mean. There were lines and circles on them, dots and arrows. I scratched my little head. I put my handle on the keyboard. Despite these stamps, there were smooth keys. I was very surprised. I thought he would feel some stamps under his fingers but nothing. Today I know that these are letters and I am learning about them in kindergarten and at school.

When I am playing with my mother, my mother chooses all the animal figures from the box with blocks and places them next to each other and I shout that it’s a ZOO! Sometimes I don’t have enough blocks, which annoys me a bit because I would like to build towers up to the ceiling. Mom then says that she will buy me some bricks.

And he buys. But I have to wait, and I don’t like that very much, because I buy them online. And then you have to wait a long time for you to come in a big car and bring it back. Mom says it’s a courier. It’s a gentleman who has a lot of parcels on his car and has to deliver them all to various gentlemen and ladies. And around the world. I wonder how he does it? Once this gentleman let me look into that big car. He took me in his arms and put it in the trunk. And this trunk was so big that I could straighten up and stand on my feet! And how many packages were there! The little ones and large ones in various sizes and shapes. I’ve even seen round ones like a car tire. When I touched it, it was actually hard and tire-like. And he had packages stacked up to the ceiling! There were so many of them that I scratched my little red head in shock and opened my mouth in surprise. How could so many packages fit in there? After all, this car is not as big as I thought when I watched it from my bedroom window?

But that’s what I like to play the most in games on the mobile phone. What kid doesn’t like that? I have my favorite cat, it’s such a game. He needs to be fed and he needs to go to the bathroom to pee. You also have to play with him so that he is happy and not sad. And wash it, because if I don’t, there are a lot of flies around it. It doesn’t smell bad, though surely, if it were a real cat, it would surely smell like a foul.

I also have other games whose names I can’t remember. But they’re all fun. I have a cat that runs around and collects coins and a snake that eats apples and then it gets longer and a talking egg. I also have Lego duplo on my phone. Sometimes I can’t make up my mind there are so many of them that I have to play. I also like watching cartoons on my phone and in the TV. I like Vampirin, Bingo and Roli, Smurfs and Pajamas. I also like when my mother reads us bedtime stories every day. Recently we get to know the adventures of Teddy Bear and Kitty Kitty. The teddy bear is actually Teddy Bear Uszatek. He has such a funny floppy ear. There is also a bunny and a cockerel. And the Bim Bam Bom puppet.

And they have fun adventures. Once Miś Uszatek traveled by train and another time he found a cricket under the wardrobe. Another time he drank tea with a doll named Róża.

Mom, on the other hand, likes to read books. He has a lot of them. I think a thousand. she had to with dad, buy a special white bookcase for his office to accommodate them. We were traveling with the whole family to Ikea then. It’s such a great store with furniture. Very far from our cottage. Mum bought three white bookshelves. When she set up her books, it turned out that not all of them fit. In the evening, Dad was driving the car for two more! But I was already asleep and I didn’t know my dad was gone. In the morning, when I woke up and when I went downstairs to my mother’s house, I was surprised because I saw two more bookshelves in my office and there were books neatly arranged. I was speechless with surprise. I stood on the threshold of my mother’s office with my mouth open in surprise. I really liked such shelves. I thought to myself that I would like to have one for my toys, because I have so many of them that they no longer fit in my tiny wardrobe. I think my mom saw it or guessed that I like this piece of furniture because a week later she bought the same one and put it in our room upstairs. Because I have a room with twins. It’s nice to have a room with my brothers because we can mess up together and I’m not sad. I put my toys and books there. And boxes with blocks. And now it’s in a nice order. Well, almost okay. Because I am still small and I can’t clean as nicely as my mother… I try very hard but unfortunately I can’t. Plus, I don’t like cleaning. I prefer to have fun. The twins get mad at me then. They say I’m a little messy. That I spoil and break everything. But I still love them. After all, they are my brothers.

*

Mum cares a lot about her books. He likes them very much. Each of them is neatly placed on a shelf. He says that he collects them for me and the twins because when we get older we will need them at school and for learning. Because you have to learn. You have to be smart to have a good job.

The twins go to first grade. They learn to read and write. For now, I can count to ten, but if I learn further, I will count all the books that are at home. I also make my mother buy another one just for me. One after another.

And I will read them all, not only what is written on the cover. For now, I’m just watching pictures. And I’m looking for dogs and kittens because I like them the most. They are so fluffy and cute. But you have to be careful, because cats have sharp claws and if they get angry, they can scratch.

*

Grandma Ewa has a cat named Gucio. And he has very sharp claws. When I accidentally stood on his tail, he got angry and scratched me. It hurt a lot. I cried a lot and Gucio hid under the table out of fear. But Gucci is so cool and cute that I can’t be angry with him. He’s so cute I scratched him behind the ear and it must have been good between us, because the next time I went to grandma Ewa, he came running to me and started fawning on my leg. He lifted his fluffy tail and walked around my legs. And he purred very loudly. I regret that I didn’t bring a sausage to my pocket. Because cats seem to like sausages. I love. If I gave him a sausage, I don’t think he’d ever scratch me again. He would love me forever.

When I sat next to my grandmother on the armchair, he jumped on my lap purring even louder. He was spinning in a circle. This kitty is cute. I will ask mum if we cannot have a kitten in the house as well.

Grandma Ewa also likes books. I think mom got it from grandma. I am surprised that all these books fit into this bookcase! Believe me, there are a lot of them. I tried to count them but I got lost at the first shelf. Rather, I got bored with this counting, so I moved on to something else

But back to playing on the phone. Mom will send me and the twins calls an hour before bed. Because the twins already have their phones. Mainly to call mum and dad, but recently I suspected that they have games installed on them! I thought for a long time whether or not to tell my mother about it in the ear, but I thought not yet. Maybe this knowledge will be useful to me one day? If they upset me with something, I will tell them that I know that they play on the phone and maybe something from this I will have?

I don’t have a phone all day. You don’t believe? I already explain why. After all, I go to kindergarten every day. I get up in the morning, get dressed, wash my teeth. I’ve already learned how to put on socks, panties and pants myself. Sometimes I put my panties inside out or two different socks, but nothing happens then. It is funny and fun. I put on a short-sleeved blouse at the end and a sweatshirt on it with long. I especially like these sweatshirts with a hood and zipper. It’s easy to take it off in kindergarten when I’m too hot. I even choose the clothes I like on a given day! Mom lets me take a blouse with a kitty or a dog. With a car or a truck. Or a sweatshirt with a zipper. The way I want! There is only one condition. I can’t do anything in the clutter closet. Sometimes it works. Another time, unfortunately, no … I throw everything upside down. But then I try to get over this mess somehow. With varying degrees of success. She ends up with mom coming in and arranging everything her own way.

Sometimes it also happens that I put on a blouse or panties back to front, but then my mother helps me. He tweaks everything to make me look nice and neat. But I prefer to dress myself. After all, I’m not a little baby anymore, but a big boy! I am almost 5 years old!

My mom gives me a kiss goodbye. And I, my mother, and I say that I love her very much. And that does the trick. At least for a while. But mom rarely gets angry and he doesn’t yell at us at all. He doesn’t even argue with his dad. Seriously! Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Mom and Dad argue. And even when they do it so that I can’t hear it.

So when I get dressed, I run downstairs because I have a room on the first floor with the twins, Kuba and Wiktor. Everyone has their own bed and a lot of mascots in it. Both my brothers and I like cuddly toys, we have a lot of them. Sometimes we have to throw them out of bed onto the floor, otherwise there would be no room for us. Kubuś has his favorite dog. He loves plush mascots very much. He can hug four at once. Sometimes I wonder how he manages it. And how is that possible? After all, she also has small hands like mine. Well, maybe not quite as tiny as mine, but small and fit four mascots at once! Wiktorek also likes dogs and cats. I have my favorite duck. I got it from Ewa’s grandmother. I love grandmothers very much and I even love the mascot. But this is not the only mascot I have. I have a teddy bear called Szumis, which I got in the hospital in Międzylesie, when I came there for the first time, seven days after my birth. I was about to start diagnostics then towards my diseased kidney but not everything was going the way the doctors wanted. I was constantly sick because of my weak immunity. Unfortunately, it interfered with starting treatment for polycystic kidney with which I was born.

This bear is funny. He has legs like an octopus. When I press his tummy, he hums. Maybe that’s why it’s called Shumiś?

We also have our favorite pillows, small pillows and pillows. I have a dog from Paw Patrol, Kuba is from Rolblox and Wiktor I don’t remember the name of the game. I think My Craft. We also have a heart-shaped pillow that we got from grandma Ewa for Christmas. This pillow is hairy and I don’t like it very much because it tickles my mouth when I sleep. And when I want to sleep, I sleep and I don’t want anything to disturb me, because when I wake up at night, I don’t get enough sleep.

And when I don’t get enough sleep, I get up in a bad mood in the morning. When I was quite small, my mother would put Szumis next to the pillow and his hum, the sounds he produced made me fall asleep very quickly. They relaxed me and made me sleep well and long. I was fine and I was able to sleep through the night. My mother said that since I was born there was no problem with me because I slept all night. Anyway, twins too. Mom had some breath, at least in the night. I also have a big pink dog. It is really huge. Mummy bought it when I first went to the hospital on Niekłańska Street in Warsaw. She told me then that this dog was only mine! That he is to watch over me and that he is actually watching over me to this day. He is always standing in the corner of my crib and looks at me while I sleep. Sometimes I get the feeling that she purrs loudly like I can’t sleep. Or purring like Gucio — grandma Ewa’s kitten.

When I close my eyes I only dream good dreams. I do not dream of any ghosts or evil creatures or mary. I am always dreaming about the fairy tales my mother read to me before going to bed. And my mother reads us beautiful fairy tales for bedtime every day. Sometimes she also invented her fairy tales and told us aloud.

*

I have many other mascots. I have a large seagull that my parents bought me last year on vacation in Łeba. It has beautiful white, gray and black wings and a long yellow beak. I also have two Mickey mice, an elephant named Niunia, a monkey and many others. Sometimes I can’t decide which mascot I’m going to play with today. Or with which I will sleep tonight. This is sometimes a really big dilemma for a young child.

I eat breakfast in kindergarten, so as soon as I get dressed, I put on my shoes and a jacket. Sometimes I also eat at the cottage. Depends on whether or not I am very hungry. I am a very impatient kid and can’t wait to finally get there. Although recently I can eat too.

Dad’s breakfast in the car. Dad makes sandwiches for work and gets water to drink. Sometimes he takes energy drinks, although he says they are very unhealthy. Dad already knows he has to make one more sandwich for me. Because I always eat one for him. Sometimes he also has something sweet hidden in the car. Then I am very happy and share sweets with twins. They also go to school with us. I mean, dad takes them to school. We ride together. First, dad takes the twins to school and then me to kindergarten.

Recently, my mother had to buy me a new jacket because the old one was too small. Either my belly grew or it just shrunk in the wash. I bet on this tummy, because it would be rather difficult for something to decrease. But maybe such things happen? Since socks get lost in the wash and they are still missing, maybe the jacket can become smaller? I will think about it again sometime. Or I’ll ask mom and dad about it. I am curious what they will tell me about it.

The new jacket is red. It has a super extra hood with a teddy bear and an MC Queen zigzag sewn on the entire back. For those who don’t know, this is such a super-fast car. He rides very fast and he races very fast and he’s red. I really like watching this fairy tale how fast it goes through the streets of the city. I wish my dad would drive that fast. Often, while driving to kindergarten, I shout loudly: “Daddy, faster! Faster!” But dad doesn’t want to go faster. He says that is not allowed. That he must be careful and drive slowly in line with the rules of the road, because it carries a very valuable treasure. Well, but it does not carry any stones in the trunk? Because the treasure is stones and diamonds. Or some pearls like in Pirates of the Caribbean and Peter Pan. Recently, however, I decided to look for this treasure in our car. I lost my hat. I thought I’d look for it in the car, because I drive a car with my dad every day, maybe it got lost somewhere in the car. As I thought, so I did. I climbed into the back seat and when I was looking for a hat, I couldn’t find anything. Not under the chair, not in the trunk. Maybe dad has some secret compartments that are invisible to the naked eye and hides this treasure there? Maybe he hid the treasure somewhere else? I need to search more thoroughly. Maybe it’s under the driver’s seat? Holy shit, I haven’t looked there… But what exactly is this treasure? Stones? Coins? I used to watch Pirates of the Neverland and there Captain Hook had a big treasure chest. There were coins, beads, shells… Is this the treasure I didn’t find in my dad’s trunk? Pirates kidnapped him and hid it somewhere you can’t see it?

Or maybe I will look in the second car, because it is bigger and there will fit such a large box …

Once I put on this super jacket, my mother has to cut in. He puts on a chimney or a scarf, which I will tell you in secret, I hate. It hurts my neck and it upsets me terribly. But I put it on because I’m warm in it and the wind doesn’t blow my neck. I also don’t like when he puts a hood over my head. It is so huge that I can’t see anything. It covers my eyes, ears and my whole head. As soon as I leave the house and my mother doesn’t see it, I take it off quickly and hide in the car so that mom can’t see. Yet I don’t need the hood in my car. Of course, she reminds me five times to wear a hat and ten times I wouldn’t forget to give her a kiss. I turn then, wrap my tiny hands around her neck, and hug her tight against me. He kisses both cheeks three times and I say I love her very much. I tell her this many times so she won’t forget it. But mom doesn’t forget. He always tells me that he misses us and that he loves me, but I know when we leave from home and stays at home alone, it rests from us. But what I really know is that Mom never rests. He has a lot of responsibilities around the house and sometimes goes to bed late at night and he gets up very early, while we are still soundly sleeping. It rests not so much from us, but from the noise we make. In fact, when I come back from kindergarten every day, the house is tidy, the floors are dusted and washed, dust is rubbed on the black cabinets and furniture. The table where we eat together is clean and the chairs are neatly positioned. Mum repeatedly says that she likes to work from home because „she has everything under control”. I wonder what that means? Mum writes a lot on the computer. He says he writes books, stories. Dad says mom is a writer. Does this mean that he is constantly writing and writing something? But what are these stories about? When I learn to read, I will read all the books my mother has written.

I like going to kindergarten a lot or rather a ride, because my dad drives me every day. We get up very early in the morning. Sometimes it is still dark and sometimes it is very cold. In winter there is snow and in summer the sun is shining. Personally, I prefer it when it’s sunshine. When it shines high in the sky and the birds are singing. Then I don’t have to wear a jacket with that big hated hoodie.

There are lots of fun things to do in summer.

And there is a vacation. Then we go to the seaside, to the beach that I love so much. Mom says that a vacation without going to the seaside is not a vacation. We like to lie on the beach and look for seashells and make sand cakes. Twins love to swim in the sea, splash water or play ball on the beach. Then they put on their huge inflatable beach wheels and run towards the water. Dad, of course, runs after them. They fall into the water, splash with dad, play ball. They squeal and scream terribly. I am sitting with my mother on the beach. Although recently I ran towards the water like crazy. I also wanted to soak myself in water, not just my feet. The sand is warm and dry and the sun shines high in the blue sky. Sometimes you can see birds or jellyfish. It all depends on which city we are in.

*

Once again I stood by the sea.

I looked.

Somewhere in the distance the world was ending.

No land in sight. Only light waves

and the wind. The sound of the sea and the singing of seagulls.

No land in sight.

Only water.

Only occasionally did I see tiny ships drifting over the endless waves.

Such a beautiful sight.

And that sunset.

Such a beautiful world.

The world of a child is wonderful and without flaws…

*

I have a lot of toys in kindergarten. Colorful toys. All the kids play with them. There are more than that at home. There are blocks, tracks, cars, books, mascots. The lady reads us fairy tales, we sing and learn new songs. We paint with crayons, paints, make cutouts, cards and other cool things. We do a lot of cool interesting art work. Mother’s day work and dad, grandma and grandpa. Cards, hearts, we write patterns, letters and numbers.

This year, on the occasion of Mother’s Day, I made a beautiful heart on a wooden stick. I painted them red and glued sequins and shiny ornaments. But I think I like the big plastic house the most. It has steps and you can go up there and even lie down! I once fell asleep there. It’s so nice and cozy there. The lady was looking for me with the children and I slept sweetly there!

It is impossible to get bored in kindergarten. We eat breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea. And when mom or dad come to pick me up at 4 p.m.

I’m hungry anyway. Then I check if there are any tea sandwiches left, or maybe some fruit, and as the saying goes, I take it under my arm and eat it tasty in the car. I can’t help the fact that I like to eat.

My favorite breakfast is cereal and milk. But I also like mum making delicious sandwiches. I like the paired ketchup pate and cottage cheese. It’s so delicious I can’t help myself. I like to eat apple and banana. But I think my favorite is the watermelon and strawberries that Grandma brings us. These seeds only annoy me, because they have to be picked out. Grandma Danusia comes to us every Friday. He lives every day in Warsaw, but comes every Friday with his grandfather to visit us at Majdan. We have two houses on the property. We live in one of them, and my grandmother lives on weekends. And then he brings us various sweets and fruit. Sometimes it happens that it will bring us other nice things. Recently she brought us paints to school and plasticine, pens and pencils. Virtually the entire layette for school.

I’m glad mom cooks tomato soup for dinner. And I’m happy when my mother fry the potato pancakes. The scents spread all over the house and I do we eat with the twins with taste. I really like extracurricular activities in our kindergarten. We have dance, rhythm and robotics classes. The latter is on Fridays at three-thirty. I’ve been waiting for her all week and can’t wait for her. I really like these classes because we build robots from Lego bricks and we program them. They perform various activities. For example, the robot is walking and the car is driving. It is really a lot of fun. I have never seen a car go by itself. Or the robot was moving. I always come home around 4 p.m. I eat lunch — the second one because I eat one in kindergarten. Dinner in the kindergarten, the cooks will bring us to the hall around 12:30 so don’t be surprised at 4 p.m. I am already very hungry. There are usually some small sandwiches for afternoon tea. They disappear in the blink of an eye from the saucers. After I have eaten dinner at the cottage, my dad comes back from work. He also eats lunch and rests afterwards. But he doesn’t let him laze for too long, because I want to be mischievous and have fun. Dad then sits down on the floor and we build large buildings out of blocks or we run cars at each other. Sometimes we do puzzles.

The twins are now old enough to take the bus home from school. The bus stops right outside our house. But this is no ordinary bus. Mom says it’s a special bus. This means that it is a bus only for children from our school. It leaves at certain times and arrives at certain times as well. He drives up to the school and leaves the children there, whom he took earlier from stops from our village and others around.

The twins burst into the house like grenades with a bang. From the threshold they shout that they are here and go to hug their mother. I’m very happy when they come because I miss them so much when they’re gone all day I think about them. I wonder what they do at school and how their day is going. What do they eat for breakfast and dinner. Whether they are studying diligently or are they having trouble. Even though they don’t always want to play with me, I’m really happy to be home together. They say I’m small and I’m making a big mess in the room. But I just want to have fun with them!

After they have eaten their lunch at home, they have to do their homework given to them at school. I try not to disturb them, but I am very curious how they write in notebooks or read their reading. I myself then take a pencil to my inoperative right hand and tries to imitate them. It does not work very well for me because my disabled hand does not want to listen to me, but my mother says that if I train with it, I will not have a problem holding the cup in my hand or with a pen on a piece of paper.

You are probably wondering what happened with my handle. My right handle is not fully functional. I was born 36 weeks pregnant by caesarean section. My mother waited a long time for the delivery at Karowa Street in Warsaw. Mum looked after herself very much, but in the last weeks of pregnancy she felt bad. On that day, when I wanted to be born, they went to the hospital. She felt as if her body of water was gone, and I felt that I was running out of air. I kicked and kicked. I wanted to let you know that something was wrong.

I finally fell asleep. I slept for a very long time and when I woke up and opened my eyes, I saw a lot of people I didn’t know. The ladies were dressed in white and the gentlemen, green. These figures were of different heights. They wore masks and gloves on. There was a terrible buzz and noise in the room which disturbed me. I was cold. The light blinded my eyes. I started crying loudly. Later I found out that it was a very good signal. A sign that I was born and that everything is fine. But it wasn’t. I was born blue and weak. I only got 6 points on the Apgar scale.It turned out that doctors delayed the Caesarean section too long and when I was born I had cyanosis and a bilateral cerebral hemorrhage. Apart from the fact that I was born with polycystic left kidney disease, which led to the fact that this organ was later removed from me.

It all led to that in later school years I had a very big problem not only with writing but also with speech. Other specialists diagnosed hearing problems, delayed speech, partial paralysis of the right arm and reduced muscle tone. Later, I heard my mother talking to my father. She said that she went to the hospital at 12:00 and was taken from the emergency room to the maternity ward only at 19:30. I was born at 22:53. I was suffocating in my mother’s tummy for so long and the amniotic fluid slowly drained by itself. Unfortunately, no one was held responsible for this mistake … the doctors did not find time to answer my father’s question why my mother waited so long for her caesarean section to be performed. I know one more thing. That mom is a hero. She then told the doctor who kept her in the hospital emergency department that she would not leave here until she gave birth today because she felt something was wrong with me. She hadn’t felt my movements for several hours, and if she’d let go then, I probably wouldn’t have been here in that hospital corridor.

*

After the twins do their homework, mom lets them play games. They have a choice of console, computer, phone or tablet. That’s a lot of equipment we have at home. Mom has a computer, tablet and phone. But she says that these devices are needed for her work. Although I recently watched her play on a tablet into a bear named Toon Blast.

My mom is very strict about tablet gaming. We can only play two hours a day. I also have my own phone, I got it from Grandma Damusia for her birthday. I have games installed on it that I like a lot, for example, a cat. I’ve written about him before. It’s my favorite game. But I already told you about these games. But the phone often gets boring quickly. Then I put it on the shelf and run in search of dad. Dad always has a lot to do. He says he always has something to do. When he is at home, he fixes cars or rummages in the garage. He likes doing it a lot. He also says that the day is too short and the work is too much. When he is not repairing the car, he mows the grass or cuts firewood to keep us warm in the winter.

We usually mow the grass on Saturdays in the morning. Then it’s hot and dad says it’s dangerous because when the sun is hot you can get a stroke and pass out. And I always wear a hat on my head

I proudly follow my father. First we go to the garage. We prepare the mower and the long extension cord to reach the farthest corners of our yard. Dad is a great guy. He loves us very much and we his. I can’t imagine my life without my dad. I don’t like going to work and coming back in the evening. He misses so many games. But Daddy has to go to work. I would like him to work at home like my mother would then at any time ask him to play with me. I could sit on his lap and play with it endlessly. I could also draw and paint with him. Dad makes beautiful drawings. Sketches of the car and campers. Draws everything what will I ask him for. And he takes page by page and draws. And I am happy because I am with Dad.

*

But it wasn’t always as fun and rosy as it is now. Now I’m big and strong. I can walk and talk now. I can even count to ten in English. I can name colors and ride a bike by myself. And when I don’t feel like it, my dad or mom drives me in a special trailer attached to the bike.

I remember when I was born. How I was born. I remember the hospital, the doctors, the bustle of the delivery room and mummy’s kiss

with the question: „why isn’t he crying?”.

and answer:

— Because he is weak and giving birth is also a lot of effort for the baby.

Exactly 4 years ago I was born. As the third child of his parents. First there was Cuba. Then there was Victor. Or vice versa? Even though they were born on the same day at the same time. Minute by minute, actually. How it’s possible? It doesn’t fit in my little head. Two spears in one tummy? It is incomprehensible to me. Mom must have had a big belly. I’m the youngest. There are advantages to this and disadvantages. The advantage is that when I mess up, I often get baked. Though unfortunately not anymore…

But to the point. Four years ago I fought with the disease, the consequences of which I feel to this day, and although I have gone through a lot today, I know that you can live with this disease. And I’m alive. Even though some doctors didn’t give me a chance. They said I wouldn’t make it. That I will be too weak. That I won’t take a step. That it will be hard. And here please. Lives and I will live. First I learned to raise my head, then I sat down. And how surprised I was when I saw so many interesting things around me. I saw mom and dad, and though I’d seen them before, they looked different somehow.

I haven’t looked at it from that perspective yet. Until now, when I opened my eyes, I saw the ceiling and the mobile attached to the crib. Animals were spinning around on it and emitting various friendly sounds and songs. They often put me to sleep but they also woke you up when they played too loud. I was also often woken up by the twins” laughter as they giggled behind the rails of my crib. They held their hands on the railings and spoke in their twin tongues. Often my mother said she didn’t understand them. That before they could speak, they had their „magic twin language”. Known only to them. I didn’t understand them either. I saw a lot of toys, mascots in the crib. And grandmothers with grandpa. But which grandmother was it? There were a lot of people around me all the time. I don’t remember many of them. After all, I was little and I just wanted to eat and sleep. Because what else can a newborn do but not sleep?