Bezpłatny fragment - Living Alone 2

I WAS YOUNG

Youth — not equal in age,

When there are so many leaves here, the number of leaves is not equal.

Seemingly a small difference, because one summer,

But you can feel it.

I feel it in myself and in the other person,

When I have a lot of age, I see it from above,

On the other hand, my age is old, but I don’t have much of an old man.

We are both different, but through no fault of our own.

I see it from above, but I feel it with all my heart,

I took care of her because I felt it.

Through the heart a different space was seen,

It was the charms of the heart that were…

Age not equal to age,

When one sees the other from above.

But this is not an explanation

Because the definition of age should be the disappearance…

WILL I KNOW YOUR NAME?

I know now you think that I am someone else,

And I didn’t look like who I turned out to be.

On the other hand, you probably called me a heart-picker?

What can I do about the fact that you looked so beautiful?

I had to come up to you and ask.

I just had to, I couldn’t do otherwise.

How did I know that someone else was in your eyes?

How did I know you were already in love?

I didn’t know, and I wanted to,

To have love with you like you…

How was I supposed to know that I wouldn’t be given it?

I dream so much of the one I don’t know…

I’m crazy about you, about your hair, I ran,

Your black eyes also ran after you…

And today I don’t even know what your name was,

Your name must be Beautiful,

Because you are the most beautiful of all!

I don’t know the name, as I didn’t know before…

I wanted to spend our love with you,

And the only thing I have left of you,

It thinks of your beautiful name…

THE HISTORIAN WHO DIDN’T TEACH ME

When my history teacher was not at school, the librarian came to replace her. Although he was a library teacher at school, he was actually someone else. Apart from sitting in the school library all day (and the library was located in the school basement), he was also a teacher of civic education, but from this position he was granted very few lesson hours, while by education he was a historian, he even obtained the title of doctor of humanities. He was thin, had little hair on his head, which was gray, round glasses on his nose, was always dressed in a suit, and could have been about forty or fifty years old.

He loved to teach history, especially the history of Polish, he told us about it quietly so that the Germans would not hear the word „Poland”. He was even in love with teaching history, it was his whole life, his passion. I suspect that he probably even dreamed about it at night, as he teaches history to young people at school.

In history lessons with him, it was clear that history is his middle name. When he asked questions, they were most often directed to me. Sometimes, when there was a difficult word to pronounce, he had to help me, then we divided the word in half — I started and he finished. When I didn’t know something, he didn’t yell at me, he just said that next time it would be better, and he was always so happy with me that I always knew more than the others sitting next to me.

He always praised me in front of other teachers. He told everyone that lessons with me were a real pleasure for him, he would only want students like me, because others make noise as he speaks, and I, on the other hand, sit quietly and listen as befits a student. He also told them that if he had me in class, he immediately wanted to teach history lessons, that I was a real treasure for every teacher.

But one day, during the holidays, the director came to the director and was fired. He found another school, he was a great historian, he was known throughout Poznań, he is the author of many articles, he no longer wanted to sit in the library, he only wanted to teach history.

FEELING LONELY

I feel the loneliness of the crowd inside me,

I feel empty in my soul,

I feel the empty space around me.

I feel like I have no one to talk to,

I feel like no one will answer me,

I feel like I don’t have my mouth to say anymore.

I feel alone here and there,

I feel the same state in my youth,

In my old age, I feel my funeral in the coffin of loneliness.

I feel like it’s not going to end,

I feel like it’s going to last,

I feel that it will last until old age.

I feel that around me is still empty,

I feel that I no longer have a voice,

I feel that the voice has died as I have…

JOY

Joy, ecstasy — the sun shining.

What is he talking about?

Emotions! Small and seen like the sun.

What is important and good for us,

We show a smile like happiness sought.

Dreams come true! We don’t think about them anymore.

Feeling loved and cared for is the first place in joy.

At times, tears will appear in the eyes.

But they give you the will in your legs.

And everyone knows that the next day will be different.

Joy! You are the dream and the life!

ABOUT THESE THREE…

I know I agreed to it

Although I was actually reluctant to do so,

For I did not want it to happen,

And despite my nightmare, I did it.

What nightmare is mine?

It is an inexorable time.

You know how he runs between us,

And despite the fear of your disappearance.

Because I did not oppose or do

That’s why I heard „yes” from my mouth.

Because you said so — I had no other choice.

If your answer had been otherwise,

I have already stood in your defense.

Although I didn’t like it very much,

I will not do what I said against you.

As you say, it will always be so.

DO WAS TRÓJKO MOJA KOCHANA…

I know that you have failed in this art once,

But now, deep down, I know that this path will work out for you.

ROMANCE

Once with me, now with another

And not with one, then with two

Today someone else is holding you in their hands

Now he’s the one who sees your smile

He is staring at your hair

Follows the golden path

You see me, but not me — you don’t see me

What used to be in me doesn’t go with me anymore

Something happened that I didn’t want

I lost what I had

In return, I got a different feeling

From now on, I’ll look at you differently

I will not forgive that smile with another — never

Laugh with that one, why not with another?

What did you see in him that you rejected me?

Didn’t I try enough? Were you blind?

Today I don’t care what happens to you

Someone else’s worry is left

Let him take care of you

But I know he won’t be able to do it

Because you chose a worse one than me

GIRLS

You were the first…

I would like to have it, my dream will remain…

A CONVERSATION THAT RINGS IN MY EARS

KORDIAN

Oh, there it stands!

It was she who welcomed me in my dreams.

She stands, and although she does not smile, the beauty escapes from her,

Add waves of her beauty.

To follow its brown path to make you want to…

O! Did she look at me, or for me?

Does she lust after me too?

Is it possible among the stars of mites?

I talk, but I’m afraid.

Will I succeed?

FIRST THOUGHT

It won’t work!

KORDIAN

Yes, that’s exactly what I was afraid of,

They came again.

SECOND THOUGHT

Don’t go, why waste your life?

FIRST THOUGHT

No, let him go and see for himself.

SECOND THOUGHT

Why do you make him suffer?

Did he suffer little around the fires?

FIRST THOUGHT

He is and will remain a fool!

Let him understand several times that he will not find his element,

And today will be the last day.

Go and see for yourself,

Because you need it with your own eyes.

Poznasz po raz kolejny from

If you haven’t already met enough.

SECOND THOUGHT

Don’t go!

He plays half in truth and half in falsehood with you.

He has a true speech,

But forge deeds that you do not want!

HUMAN PSYCHE 1.0

It’s as weak as steel

Attacking from morning to dark evening

Even in May, she thinks about going…

There is no question of sleeping

We are talking about thinking, about suffering

And they will say something unpleasant about you…

And they will beat you with words

And they will say that I did it

And that’s what I was called a goal

The world is what it is

But people could be distinguished

I’m just thinking about going…

I don’t have the strength to live longer

Weak as steel, unable to cope

Because who would really give advice?

No one can do it when there are no words next to you

Everyone thinks about going…

To curb suffering, pain

HUMAN PSYCHE 2.0

I think I’m better

That why shouldn’t I be?

I’m the one with better wavy hair

I’m the one who puts my legs better

I’m the one who walks better dressed

I’m taller than him

Because I’m better than her and him.

He stands so close — terrible!

I have to get away from him

How dare he stand so close?

Calm down — I’m not upset — he’s an ordinary cone

It doesn’t grow up to my heels, ugly as an oak

Half of his head is not with him — his depth is

What does it look like? „What has he got with him?”

Because it’s some kind of rubbish…

I feel better because I’m better than others

She and he are nobody, I am something

Wiser, more beautiful and friendlier?

I’m just better than the others, period!

SONIA AND ME BACK IN MY HEAD

WIND IN YOUR HANDS

I felt the wind, I had a hand.

Which I wouldn’t expect.

She pulled me — I was with her everywhere.

I felt differently…

Away from the singing birds.

Not noticed by anyone.

In the distance, silence — all around us.

Just her and me.

Just her and me…

SONIA: Kordian, I’m very sorry, but it’s unlikely to come of it. I know all about the fact that you wanted me to be your only girlfriend, but unfortunately it won’t work out for us. You have to be ready for such things, and I’m not ready for it yet… to have her own boyfriend. I’m sorry…

„Nothing happened…

SONIA: I’m sorry, once again…

After a while, she added:

„Well!

„Well!

On the same day, even though we saw each other a few more times, we didn’t talk to each other anymore.

I’M SORRY OTHERWISE

I’m sorry — that’s enough.

After all, everyone will understand it.

No one will be angry with you.

It may be a difficult task,

But it is a thing that will bring a lot of joy.

Of course, it’s about this one love!

This feeling was extremely strong! It’s hard to describe, I don’t know how to explain it. But I felt the first feeling of love for Sonia. It happened right away, as soon as I got home! It was something really amazing! I’ve never felt this way before! Although Sonia refused me, I had to try at least one last time. I knew that I would simply never find another girl like her! Only a very short moment passed, and she had already ignited such a powerful love feeling in me… That’s why I had to act quickly!

ALTHOUGH IT HAPPENED TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME

It was something extraordinary, as if out of this world,

I already knew what had entered me…

Extremely strong!

Hard to describe!

About the explanation — there is no will!

This is the case for everyone.

But what is it?

Everyone who has gone for it should know.

It is a love rewritten.

For the first and last time.

He will not appear again.

Chwila i moment…

THE DANCE OF DEATH

On Westerplatte, almost right by the sea, there used to be single-family houses. Each of the families living there built their house on their own. Ordinary people lived there. In one house a young couple who had just started a family with two children, in the other there lived an older family of two; Mr. Kazimierski and Mrs. Kazimierska. The third was inhabited by a lonely, unemployed drunkard. A lawyer was registered in the next part. The fifth house belonged to the parish priest, who celebrated Holy Mass in the church every day.

One more person should be mentioned. This person has never lived there, has never lived anywhere. This person is the homeless Lucian.

Lucian, graduated from all the necessary schools to get the education he dreamed of. He wanted to become a hairdresser. His dream came true. He founded his own hairdressing salon and called it „Westerplatte barber”. He had several clients every day. Business flourished. Shortly after, the beautiful Mrs. Malina came to the hairdressing salon. Łucjan immediately liked Mrs. Malina. Malina wished to have curly hair. For such a beautiful princess as you, there can be anything,” said Lucian with a smile, he wanted to pick up Mrs. Malina. After the hairdressing service was performed, Mrs. Malina liked Łucjan even more, to such an extent that he forgot to pay money for the work done from his client, he did not reprimand. Fortunately, Malina was a good girl and left three zlotys on the table, according to the price list. From then on, Mrs. Malina came to Łucjan’s hairdressing salon every week to have curly hair. After Malina’s fourteenth visit to Lucian, he finally gathered all his strength to ask the most important question in his life. He asked Mrs. Malina if she would arrange a date with him. Malina immediately said yes without thinking. Since then, Malina has been helping Lucian in his hairdressing business. In the meantime, Mrs. Malina was pregnant. They were both very happy. Unfortunately, Malina died during her pregnancy. Only the child survived.

The little boy was named, as Malina, or Krzysiek, wanted. Every day, Lucian worked hard to be able to help his child, educate him, dress him and feed him. Working in a hairdressing salon turned out to be low in revenue, so Łucjan also started going to a second job. He earned money as a security guard in a shop facility. Little Krzysztof grew with each passing year. Lucian, when Christopher was thirty years old, went to a notary and bequeathed the whole house to his son. After signing the letter, Krzysztof threw his dad out of the house on his will. After all, it was no longer Lucian’s house, but Krzysztof’s. Lucian was thrown out of the house, dressed in the same way as he stood in the room of his ex-wife, Malina. He only managed to take her photo with him. From that moment on, Łucjan traveled around Poland in only slippers on his feet and a photo of his beloved Malina. He kept repeating to himself throughout his life as a homeless man that this photo saved him. From Gdańsk he marched in slippers to Westerplatte.

On Westerplatte, he often lived with a priest, with whom he loved to play cards. In the priest’s house, he protected himself only from the cold. As a homeless man, he survived as many as 3,457 days. Lucian counted every day with tears in his eyes, looking at Malina’s photo. He lived to be sixty years old. He was killed on September 1, 1939, at Westerplatte, by German shells fired at single-family houses by the German Navy. At that time, he was sitting on the stairs of the house where he often visited, waiting for the parish priest.

POOR JEWS

August 24, 1944

The Germans treated the Jews as ordinary, torn rags. The Jews, on the other hand, were supposed to treat the Germans as gods. If this was not the case, they were shot. The German persecutors ordered the prisoners to kneel in front of them. Jews licked the dirty shoes of the Germans. These shoes were often dirty with the blood of other Jews, often this blood belonged to a friend of the prisoner who was supposed to lick it. The prisoners themselves did not have shoes, and they had to clean someone else’s shoes.

The group of prisoners did not include Jews themselves, but also Poles and other nationalities. Everyone was treated equally and, according to the Germans, fairly, that is, like rags.

PIEKŁO W AUSCHWITZ — BIRKENAU

August 19, 1944, Auschwitz

It seems to be hot air, summer is slowly coming to an end, but what does it matter for the prisoners who will be dead in a short while.

From one window the rays of the sun fall into the middle of the death camp. It’s dark, except for this place, under the window. The lights can only be seen from afar. Some people have great hope that this is a light of hope. Some already know that the path they are walking is the path of death. It is impossible to escape, because the prisoners are guarded by a large number of German executioners and persecutors of Jews. With each new step, they feel that they are getting hotter. Next to them there are large heels in which the corpses of the dead are burned, and sometimes, if the Germans like it, people are burned alive there. All prisoners are of Jewish origin. They are going to death. There are about two thousand of them. They will all die together. From a distance, they can see large gas chambers. Age? Age didn’t matter, everyone went. From the youngest to the oldest. The youngest were two years old. They were two tiny girls. They couldn’t walk yet, so they went to the gas chambers in fours. The oldest man was ninety-eight years old. He could barely walk, but with the help of other Jews he came. Some of them fell, they couldn’t make it to the end. The Germans immediately shot all such Jews. They didn’t even give a moment for anyone to get up. The Nazi executioners had many rules, one of which was — you have fallen, that is, you are dead. The prisoners heading towards the gas chambers were with shaved heads. They were dressed in torn rags or walked naked. Everyone went straight to the gas chamber.