Lost memories
Thoughts and memories can be sometimes the only pleasurable moment in a difficult situation. They are also as intrusive as insects on a hot, humid day. Do you know that about sixty thousand thoughts pass through our heads every day? They decide how we feel and how we act. They also become things that we achieve or don’t achieve in life. One thought can trigger our uncertainty, inspire us, make us smile, make us sad, make us angry or drive us to despair.
Thoughts are like butterflies or moths — they can bring joy to life, cause anxiety and fear, or bring you close to death. Do not regret and do not come back again and again to the decisions made in the past. Do not judge. Perhaps, this very decision at that particular time was the only one to save yourself.
You only know as much about the other person as he or she has told you. The rest are your ideas and beliefs which are often incorrect or incomplete. You only know about yourself as many things you want to let yourself to know. The rest are your ideas and beliefs about yourself, and often harmful opinions and judgments of others that you have made yours. Therefore, working with your own attitude starts with working with your own thoughts. It is the art of getting accustomed to things.
My world
I chose my favourite, poetic form as the art of getting accustomed to things. In short stories, I touch love, disappointment, loss, longing and relieving pain with a woman’s passion and the need to be loved.
Poetic stories are so delicate and light that they stroke and cuddle. By a whisper, they evoke what every woman, every man at different stages of life might experience. Because poetry is to feel, experience, bring things nearer and help to understand them.
I am glad that you are crossing the threshold into my world. I hope you will feel here like home and find a piece of yourself.
It is strange
it is strange that we have never passed each other
in the street before
on the bus
anywhere
then life might have been different
A storage room of memories
stairs
attic
a storage room of memories
boxes full of sweaters
photographs of already forgotten moments
time slipped through my fingers imperceptibly
naive thought about life
that it will be as it should be
as I imagined
Time
time is slipping through my fingers
but it’s only when you’re far
together we won’t lose any given day
A year summary
another year
and one more furrow on the forehead
summary of everything that happened
a year has passed
our first
full of everything that’s ours
everything which is our first
everything which is beautiful
the year when life began anew
the year the eyes were opened
and saw everything
that they had missed all their life
I sleep and dream
I sleep with our memories
I got lost somewhere among them
and then I found it
it was you
I grabbed your hand
you led me out of the fog
don’t let go
don’t lose me
don’t wake me up
Presence
don’t leave me now
I need you
now maybe more mentally
I’d like to feel your presence
whatever happens
it can only hurt more
maybe it will be more difficult
but I’ll always be somewhere
for you
you are
Longing
longing blew through the door ajar
autumn rustles under my feet
one longing is behind you
half longing is behind us
such a plan for one and a half longing
Memory training
I’m recalling you
so slowly inch by inch
I’m smelling your air
I’m tasting you
I try to remember
your smell
your taste
your warmth
I’m cheating the time
Thaw
handprint on a foggy windshield
moments seem to be not ours
acted by some unknown actors
the unnamed and the unknown
you speak
I love you baby
I like the way you are
and I feel the thaw coming
spring
there will be mud
there will be sunshine
the world will be greening
Mockery
time goes by anyway
whether we like it or not
time does not count the next new beginnings
time mocks people’s hopes for a better life
laughs at the plans aloud
laughs at dreams and longings
Dual sim
I am not good
and I am good
bad me and good me
and this part of me which is
reasonably decent
tailored to the needs of others
this part of me was suitable for different jobs
task force
check list
such a nature
dual sim
I’m fighting with myself
that’s how I was constructed
it makes me more human
a possibility to make a choice
not always very bright
gray zone
I’m never sure if what I do will be mine
will be more or less gray
darker or lighter
Dualism
dualism
dual nature
the dark side of the force
the black side of the soul
the other me
shadow zone
or completely natural desires
that were implanted in us
I don’t know why
on a trial basis how we will make it with such software
perhaps we will be trying to improve the art
of staying in the shade
for the rest of our lives
(Non)divine tiredness
sweaty summer
it is necessary to make up for all heat and moisture losses
count all the breaths taken from the sea
rest from this (non)divine tiredness
Best
it would be best if we stayed away from each other
who would it be the best for?
for all whoever they are
but not for us
Idleness
we have to wait
idly
thoughts are coming to my head
the ones you don’t like
you worry about
and I can’t get rid of them
Fall asleep
sleep with my scent
taste
sleep with the warmth you like
(Not) ordinary
there are no ordinary issues with you
ordinary meetings
ordinary kisses
ordinary walk
ordinary holding hands
ordinary plain blue sky
ordinary green grass
the mud is shimmering beautifully
the rain is playing the music of the earth
not ordinary
Caress
caress your face
feel your eyes on me
Goodbye
I can’t look at people today
their eyes see too much
they are staring
I ask them out of my heart
goodbye
there is the door
Madness
take me out of my madness
put me in your arms
paint the blush with a kiss
sweep my hair back from my forehead
(Not) perfect
you are not objective
you say you love
I also say
I love you
maybe they are right
maybe I can’t love
you keep overrating me
and I am not myself
I’m sorry
I’m sorry for seeing you so clearly
not pink or blue at all
I’m sorry for hanging on to your sight which I desire so much
spring is blooming in my belly
I’m sorry for missing you
I’m sorry for the carelessness of my eyes and mouth
Dream
sleep well
I am close
under your eyelids
under your skin
sleep and dream
Wave
oblivion comes in a wave
oblivion of what holds me under my skin
with the next wave comes relaxation
blood is draining
the thought is lost
life is going away
Defeat
from that very moment
nothing had ever been the same again
every day was different
the coffee tasted different
the road to work was different
the way the sun was shining was different
she was supposed to be a boy
surprise
then my whole world changed once again
there are so many things I want to say to her
things which she couldn’t comprehend
when she was a toddler
then everything was supposed to be beautiful
and simple
perfect
but life isn’t perfect
the more imperfect people are the more they want
reality has disappointed me a lot
I have failed myself
I lost a fight with my own helplessness
and the expectations of everyone around me
these were the worst
like a hunted bitch pushed into the darkest corner
I couldn’t bare my fangs
I lost my life
I lost her life
life is my another task to fulfill
I fulfilled some part of it too late
I failed my life exam
today I’m stronger I know more
about disappointments pain harm
and endless love
I know more about the life
for which I didn’t get the instruction manual
Good morning
good morning it has passed
although the morning wasn’t good at all
the morning sadness has given me a nudge
I pretended not to feel it
I didn’t feel
I didn’t hear when it came
I didn’t hear when it left
I felt the cold
It was there
it sat down with me on the threshold
counting the leaves of the upcoming rainy weather
Darkness
darkness is my sister
The sun
you are my sunshine
when you are close my face shines
the eyes are glowing
in front of you I laugh and smile
and when I cry
it’s also not from despair or deep sadness
it is the tears that come to the eyes
I have had a good cry
I thought I had cried all the tears already
I shouted out anger
I got rid of the pain through all my tears
I thought so
I can still tear my throat
but the tears will no longer flow
I thought so
they have been flowing again
those tears
now
are other tears
I am
I am yours
with my full heart
body
mind
dream
desire
fulfillment and non-fulfillment
promise
I’m afraid
I’m afraid of what will happen
when you break my last barrier
the last fabric separating us from each other
I’m afraid of what will happen
when your lips touch the scars of my body
when you close my fingers in your hands behind your head
I’m afraid of what will happen
when you see real me
(Don’t) let
don’t let me go out
burn to the end
let me cry
let me think
let me empty the bottle to the bottom
then put me in your arms
save me from myself
Recollection
on the very tips of my eyelashes
I carry a memory of your scent
The last limit
I dared to dream
dream deeper
dream clearly
today desire comes with the rain
and dreams come with the wind
together with the last limit
come abandoned dilemmas
restrictions
but sometimes I feel them under my feet
in places where the sand didn’t have time to dry
You
my missing piece to complete happiness
is you
Touch
kisses
which make you
and me tremble
when you touch my thoughts
like that
Pain
it hurts so much today
that I would like to pass out
I would like to feel nothing
remember nothing
Masochism
speculating
making up
building scenarios
which don’t have to come true
self-flagellation
mutilation
torture
masochism
a prisoner of my own delusions
Hope
a glare of gaze
the warmth of the hand that is stroking my hair
a hot tea
a lemon slice for fever
hope for a better tomorrow
Dress me up
put me in your arms
brush your hair back from your forehead
paint the blush with a kiss
Disappearance
I should have disappeared from your life a long time ago
before I showed up in it
I love you
and I want happiness for you
but I don’t know how to give it to you
I want the best for you
but I don’t know what’s the best for you
I don’t know any good solutions
I’m here
I will always be
Without you
silence
no words
oblivion
this is not any solution
don’t let me go
only then it doesn’t hurt
when I’m locked in your hand
without your hands
my skin hurts
without your arms
I’m falling into pieces
you’re talking to me 'sweetheart'
and I think
that there’s more mud in me
Parts
there are parts of me that should fall asleep forever
End