Bezpłatny fragment - Everything You Never Forget

Lost memories

Thoughts and memories can be sometimes the only pleasurable moment in a difficult situation. They are also as intrusive as insects on a hot, humid day. Do you know that about sixty thousand thoughts pass through our heads every day? They decide how we feel and how we act. They also become things that we achieve or don’t achieve in life. One thought can trigger our uncertainty, inspire us, make us smile, make us sad, make us angry or drive us to despair.

Thoughts are like butterflies or moths — they can bring joy to life, cause anxiety and fear, or bring you close to death. Do not regret and do not come back again and again to the decisions made in the past. Do not judge. Perhaps, this very decision at that particular time was the only one to save yourself.

You only know as much about the other person as he or she has told you. The rest are your ideas and beliefs which are often incorrect or incomplete. You only know about yourself as many things you want to let yourself to know. The rest are your ideas and beliefs about yourself, and often harmful opinions and judgments of others that you have made yours. Therefore, working with your own attitude starts with working with your own thoughts. It is the art of getting accustomed to things.

My world

I chose my favourite, poetic form as the art of getting accustomed to things. In short stories, I touch love, disappointment, loss, longing and relieving pain with a woman’s passion and the need to be loved.

Poetic stories are so delicate and light that they stroke and cuddle. By a whisper, they evoke what every woman, every man at different stages of life might experience. Because poetry is to feel, experience, bring things nearer and help to understand them.

I am glad that you are crossing the threshold into my world. I hope you will feel here like home and find a piece of yourself.

It is strange

it is strange that we have never passed each other

in the street before

on the bus

anywhere

then life might have been different

A storage room of memories

stairs

attic

a storage room of memories

boxes full of sweaters

photographs of already forgotten moments

time slipped through my fingers imperceptibly

naive thought about life

that it will be as it should be

as I imagined

Time

time is slipping through my fingers

but it’s only when you’re far

together we won’t lose any given day

A year summary

another year

and one more furrow on the forehead

summary of everything that happened

a year has passed

our first

full of everything that’s ours

everything which is our first

everything which is beautiful

the year when life began anew

the year the eyes were opened

and saw everything

that they had missed all their life

I sleep and dream

I sleep with our memories

I got lost somewhere among them

and then I found it

it was you

I grabbed your hand

you led me out of the fog

don’t let go

don’t lose me

don’t wake me up

Presence

don’t leave me now

I need you

now maybe more mentally

I’d like to feel your presence

whatever happens

it can only hurt more

maybe it will be more difficult

but I’ll always be somewhere

for you

you are

Longing

longing blew through the door ajar

autumn rustles under my feet

one longing is behind you

half longing is behind us

such a plan for one and a half longing

Memory training

I’m recalling you

so slowly inch by inch

I’m smelling your air

I’m tasting you

I try to remember

your smell

your taste

your warmth

I’m cheating the time

Thaw

handprint on a foggy windshield

moments seem to be not ours

acted by some unknown actors

the unnamed and the unknown

you speak

I love you baby

I like the way you are

and I feel the thaw coming

spring

there will be mud

there will be sunshine

the world will be greening

Mockery

time goes by anyway

whether we like it or not

time does not count the next new beginnings

time mocks people’s hopes for a better life

laughs at the plans aloud

laughs at dreams and longings

Dual sim

I am not good

and I am good

bad me and good me

and this part of me which is

reasonably decent

tailored to the needs of others

this part of me was suitable for different jobs

task force

check list

such a nature

dual sim

I’m fighting with myself

that’s how I was constructed

it makes me more human

a possibility to make a choice

not always very bright

gray zone

I’m never sure if what I do will be mine

will be more or less gray

darker or lighter

Dualism

dualism

dual nature

the dark side of the force

the black side of the soul

the other me

shadow zone

or completely natural desires

that were implanted in us

I don’t know why

on a trial basis how we will make it with such software

perhaps we will be trying to improve the art

of staying in the shade

for the rest of our lives

(Non)divine tiredness

sweaty summer

it is necessary to make up for all heat and moisture losses

count all the breaths taken from the sea

rest from this (non)divine tiredness

Best

it would be best if we stayed away from each other

who would it be the best for?

for all whoever they are

but not for us

Idleness

we have to wait

idly

thoughts are coming to my head

the ones you don’t like

you worry about

and I can’t get rid of them

Fall asleep

sleep with my scent

taste

sleep with the warmth you like

(Not) ordinary

there are no ordinary issues with you

ordinary meetings

ordinary kisses

ordinary walk

ordinary holding hands

ordinary plain blue sky

ordinary green grass

the mud is shimmering beautifully

the rain is playing the music of the earth

not ordinary

Caress

caress your face

feel your eyes on me

Goodbye

I can’t look at people today

their eyes see too much

they are staring

I ask them out of my heart

goodbye

there is the door

Madness

take me out of my madness

put me in your arms

paint the blush with a kiss

sweep my hair back from my forehead

(Not) perfect

you are not objective

you say you love

I also say

I love you

maybe they are right

maybe I can’t love

you keep overrating me

and I am not myself

I’m sorry

I’m sorry for seeing you so clearly

not pink or blue at all

I’m sorry for hanging on to your sight which I desire so much

spring is blooming in my belly

I’m sorry for missing you

I’m sorry for the carelessness of my eyes and mouth

Dream

sleep well

I am close

under your eyelids

under your skin

sleep and dream

Wave

oblivion comes in a wave

oblivion of what holds me under my skin

with the next wave comes relaxation

blood is draining

the thought is lost

life is going away

Defeat

from that very moment

nothing had ever been the same again

every day was different

the coffee tasted different

the road to work was different

the way the sun was shining was different

she was supposed to be a boy

surprise

then my whole world changed once again

there are so many things I want to say to her

things which she couldn’t comprehend

when she was a toddler

then everything was supposed to be beautiful

and simple

perfect

but life isn’t perfect

the more imperfect people are the more they want

reality has disappointed me a lot

I have failed myself

I lost a fight with my own helplessness

and the expectations of everyone around me

these were the worst

like a hunted bitch pushed into the darkest corner

I couldn’t bare my fangs

I lost my life

I lost her life

life is my another task to fulfill

I fulfilled some part of it too late

I failed my life exam

today I’m stronger I know more

about disappointments pain harm

and endless love

I know more about the life

for which I didn’t get the instruction manual

Good morning

good morning it has passed

although the morning wasn’t good at all

the morning sadness has given me a nudge

I pretended not to feel it

I didn’t feel

I didn’t hear when it came

I didn’t hear when it left

I felt the cold

It was there

it sat down with me on the threshold

counting the leaves of the upcoming rainy weather

Darkness

darkness is my sister

The sun

you are my sunshine

when you are close my face shines

the eyes are glowing

in front of you I laugh and smile

and when I cry

it’s also not from despair or deep sadness

it is the tears that come to the eyes

I have had a good cry

I thought I had cried all the tears already

I shouted out anger

I got rid of the pain through all my tears

I thought so

I can still tear my throat

but the tears will no longer flow

I thought so

they have been flowing again

those tears

now

are other tears

I am

I am yours

with my full heart

body

mind

dream

desire

fulfillment and non-fulfillment

promise

I’m afraid

I’m afraid of what will happen

when you break my last barrier

the last fabric separating us from each other

I’m afraid of what will happen

when your lips touch the scars of my body

when you close my fingers in your hands behind your head

I’m afraid of what will happen

when you see real me

(Don’t) let

don’t let me go out

burn to the end

let me cry

let me think

let me empty the bottle to the bottom

then put me in your arms

save me from myself

Recollection

on the very tips of my eyelashes

I carry a memory of your scent

The last limit

I dared to dream

dream deeper

dream clearly

today desire comes with the rain

and dreams come with the wind

together with the last limit

come abandoned dilemmas

restrictions

but sometimes I feel them under my feet

in places where the sand didn’t have time to dry

You

my missing piece to complete happiness

is you

Touch

kisses

which make you

and me tremble

when you touch my thoughts

like that

Pain

it hurts so much today

that I would like to pass out

I would like to feel nothing

remember nothing

Masochism

speculating

making up

building scenarios

which don’t have to come true

self-flagellation

mutilation

torture

masochism

a prisoner of my own delusions

Hope

a glare of gaze

the warmth of the hand that is stroking my hair

a hot tea

a lemon slice for fever

hope for a better tomorrow

Dress me up

put me in your arms

brush your hair back from your forehead

paint the blush with a kiss

Disappearance

I should have disappeared from your life a long time ago

before I showed up in it

I love you

and I want happiness for you

but I don’t know how to give it to you

I want the best for you

but I don’t know what’s the best for you

I don’t know any good solutions

I’m here

I will always be

Without you

silence

no words

oblivion

this is not any solution

don’t let me go

only then it doesn’t hurt

when I’m locked in your hand

without your hands

my skin hurts

without your arms

I’m falling into pieces

you’re talking to me 'sweetheart'

and I think

that there’s more mud in me

Parts

there are parts of me that should fall asleep forever

End