Bezpłatny fragment - Confessions of a lonely mother

1: Childhood blurred in a gray fog

My name is Sylvia!

A story like mine shouldn’t be told, but the emptiness of loneliness inside me forced me to bring it all to light.

Let’s start with the fact that I was born for a purpose. My grandmother believed that God sent me into the world because I had a mission to fulfill in our world and that’s why I was born.

When I was born, fate was not kind to me from the very beginning. As a child, I had a very difficult childhood, my mother, and father worked very hard and did not have much time to spend with us.

We were looked after by two aunts who lived with us, I don’t remember much from my childhood, but my teenage life wasn’t a bed of roses either.

I went to school, trying to live like a normal teenager, not thinking about the disease I had since birth, I studied well until the first epileptic seizure.

When I was little, I had surgery to dilate my aorta and close the ductus bot alla, I had to take depakine chrome for 10 years to stop the attacks.

When I cured my epilepsy, I hoped that I would finally be able to start living normally, and I lived for several years until I became an adult, when another misfortune came.

It turned out that I had lymphoblastic leukemia and was dying. Another shock, and it was a day when I was sick with a fever of 39 degrees, I had no appetite, I slept all day and drank only water.

One day, I ate a slice of dry bread because nothing else would go down my throat, I felt terribly sick, I had frequent nausea, and usually threw up whatever, I ate, after which, I lay down helplessly on the pillow and fell asleep.

And that was most of the time. One day my mom’s husband, who we lived with, barged into my room as if something was going on and started saying:

„Get up! Pack your bags!” says my mother’s husband.

„But what? What’s happening? Why?” I asked, confused and awake.

“You have to go to the hospital, pack your bags,” my mother’s husband says.

“I just have a little more of a cold,” I said, shocked by the whole situation.

“You have to go, come on,” my mother’s husband says.

And at the same time my mother came to explain everything to me calmly.

— Darek, come on, calm down, this needs to be done calmly, go and warm up the car engine already — says my mother.

Confused, I asked:

„Mom, what’s wrong? Why do I have to go to the hospital?” I ask.

— You just have to go for some blood tests, you have to stay in the hospital for a while — says my mother.

„And my school? Exams? I have to study!” I said.

— They’ll wait, your health is the most important thing now, get dressed! — says mom.

„Holy shit, can someone tell me what’s going on here? You’re acting like you’re crazy! What’s this all about? I think I have a right to know, it’s about me!” I shouted.

— You probably have cancer, you have to go to the hospital, there is no time for talking, pack and get dressed — says Darek.

And so, lost in my thoughts of despair, I drove with my mother to the hospital in silence, and when we were almost there, I finally dared to ask my mother the question that had been weighing on me so much:

“Mom?” I said questioningly.

“Well?” Mom replies.

“Am I going to die?” I asked calmly.

— But stop! You won’t die, this is a good clinic, you’ll get out of this and go home — said my mother.

„How can you be sure? It’s blood cancer,” I said.

“Most people get better, doctors are smarter now than they were a few years ago, everything will be fine,” Mom said.

When I got to the hospital, I couldn’t get out of the car, I was scared, I didn’t want to be in the hospital again, I hated hospitals, since I was born, in 1997 I had to be in the hospital all the time.

When I had my period, I had heart surgery for a whole week, when I turned eighteen I had leukemia, and two years later I had hip replacement surgery.

It was after this event that I left for England to forget about all the unpleasant situations that had happened to me.