Bezpłatny fragment - all of the promises

love yourself first.

my love in flowers

concentrating on

tangible wealth

rich garden

full of beautiful plants

with the spiritual flower

that needed such

peaceful environment

mind connected to soul

hand in hand

blood in fingers

death in eyes

and these thorns

that cut through

the veins of two lovers

tearing them apart

in the rich garden

making the most beautiful flower

that i loved

4:20

when there’s nothing left

of you to give another person

you start to hate yourself

because you’re the healer

you have always been

his hand touches yours

but you don’t feel anything

there’s no fire inside your brain

and no emotions on your face

he wipes your tears away

but you don’t even notice

thanks to being emotionless

you don’t even remember

what happened in the first place

your knuckles start to turn purple

and your eyes are all covered in red

your lips crack

it’s just too cold for you to breathe

you feel empty

because what can the healer say

other than

“i’m okay, how are you?”

***

all of the promises

turned into dust

that covered my lungs

and all of the kisses

turned into rope

that clamped my throat

there wasn’t any good reason

for me to feel guilty

and yet you still made me

the weather changed

water started to fill in

and there was no escape

no escape from this prison

that you’ve built for me

no escape from your arms

that didn’t want me to go

you tore me to pieces

and used them day by day

telling everyone i was the one

who hurt you and betrayed you

but the only crime i’ve committed

was actually failing in love with you

***

if you have to ask him

if he loves you

let me tell you right away

he doesn’t

if you really want to believe

in everything he says

let me disagree with it

he lies

if you ever want to trust him

with everything he does

let me save you from this idea

he’s not worth it

if you really want to cry at night

hold his hand three times a day

if you want to drown

just stare into his eyes, forget how to breathe

if you want to lose your mind

care for him

daily

and love him girl, love him

let him kill you

the pre-winter

the pre-winter fucked me up so bad,

for a minute i thought that i was about to drown

and that i could leave this stupid town.

i couldn’t stop being sad,

with his face on my mind,

with him being mad,

with me pulling all of my feelings to the side.

i was heavily breathing while entering the train,

holding my own hands just to keep me safe,

the hurricane was destroying my brain,

i was weirdly aware of all of the problems

that i was about to face.

i was pacing through the streets,

trying to find my home,

feeling more than alone.

this night pre-winter fucked me up so bad

that i’m more than glad

that this story repeats every year

and i wish that this time i wouldn’t fear.

but every september i get more weak

unable to speak,

with nightmares i have to overcome

and that one man i have to tell someone about.