Bezpłatny fragment - Panic Attacks — Evolution of Personality

Preamble

Dear reader, in this book I will tell the story about my search overcoming panic attacks, or, as internists call it, vegetative dysfunction, vasoneurosis/ neurangiosis or сardiopsychoneurosis/ neurocirculatory dystonia (NCD). This phenomenon is an acute, not motivated attack of panic and fear. I will share my experience, conclusions, and findings I have got on my way, that has been lasting for more than 10 years already.

This book is more suitable for those have no results in using traditional methods of overcoming panic attacks such as medication, training, psychotherapy, and for those who have the states of panic at certain intervals after the therapy.

The narration cannot claim a monopoly of absolute truth and is only of advisory nature. The book contains recommendations of experts, which were successfully applied by me. Each case, certainly, is individual and needs a specific approach. I will be glad if my experience is useful to you in search of the exit from the current situation.

I want to thank my psychotherapist, the analytical psychologist Pushkareva Tatyana for her professionalism and devotion. I thank my family for all the lessons and patience they gave me. I thank one of the most interesting people in my life, my teacher, my healer Natalia for the opportunity to have a new experience and to develop. I thank all friends who surrounded me and still stay in my life.

Introduction

I’m watching this early September morning. The autumn rain is quietly knocking on the windowsills. I can see a nice picture out of my window. There are houses with red tiled roofs and flowers on the balconies. Under the rain these flowers have become brighter. The color of these flowers attracts my attention like bright events in my memory. I fix my sight on the flowers. It helps me to stop this stream of different thoughts in my head for a long time. There is a cup of a hot black tea with a slice of lemon on a cork stand on my desk. Everything calms me down and stops the routine. I finally start doing a very important task I have been putting off for so long. They say that until you are distracted from the routine, you will not start doing what is really important for you.

A huge number of people around the world suffer from panic attacks. In this book, we will sort it out why this problem occurs more and more often and why it disturbs you.

We will find the answer to the question why this problem is not a problem of physiology, but one of the steps in the evolution of personality.

I can assume that you have not had any experience in some of the topics we are going to discuss here). So it is up to you to believe me or not. In any case, you will need to find your own way to the cause of your fears and panic conditions. You will find your own way to become free from anxiety. The first thing that needs to be done is to organize the regime of your day so that there is time for self-study.

I wish we were sitting together over a cup of tea, discussing a topic of interest. I wish I could see your eyes :-) So here we go!

Welcome to the world of panic and fear! When something went wrong

On a bright sunny morning of early September more than 10 years ago the autumn coolness was already in the air, and so was a new business season. Everything became active, new goals, plans, strict requirements to myself in business.

That morning, as usual, I talked a lot on the phone with my colleagues. Our conversations were about new prospects, about rewards, about the upcoming life. I closed the door of the apartment mechanically and went to the parking lot to my brand-new car. I fluttered easily on my heels. I used to like the business style of clothes. The goal of my day was to bring myself one step closer to a happy life full of new impressions, trips, expensive food, branded things, the latest gadgets and other must haves of our time. I felt really good going to my clients.

There was a magic scent of novelty inside the car. The pleasure of driving my brand new car was incomparable. I shut the door, quietly started the engine and drove forward to dreams and new business goals.

My route was familiar to me, I had a lot of driving experience and the car was already quite run-in. There was a small traffic jam on my way. The traffic in the streets of the capital was traditionally dense.

Suddenly, I felt that I had little control of the road and I was defocused, I sort of saw and understood everything, but a strange feeling of panic started to grow in me.

I opened the window a bit more to breathe deeper, but the breast was very compressed, I tried to change my body position to change the condition. Nothing helped. I didn’t lose the control of the road, but I was slowly moving in the traffic jam without understanding what was happening and why the wave that had come on me dis not fly away together with wind into the opened windows. I began to look for possible ways to pull over or to turn back home, but there was no such opportunity, because on the right there were fences and tram tracks, and on the left there was an oncoming lane of slowly moving cars. I felt caught in a real trap with no way to escape it. This increased my heartbeat to an unbearable condition. Finally, I managed to turn right, and I could already go home, but as I was pushing with the pressure on the gas pedal, the heart rate increased even more until I realized that I absolutely could not drive anymore. My heart was literally jumping out of my breast, at the same time I couldn’t breathe. My leg muscles were strained like strings. With an internal furious motion, my body was simply numb so that I began to feel numbness around my lips.

I was frightened. I ordered myself to calm down, but it did not work. I couldn’t think logically. Nothing worked. There was no common sense in anything. My internal dialogue strengthened discomfort even more. I stopped not far from a public transport stop. But I failed to get out of my car and called an ambulance, dialing the number with my hands trembling. I was sitting there and waiting for my death behind the wheel. Something was about to burst out in my head. My heart was about to burst out, like a heart of a blown horse. I was about to die.

The condition was similar to the work of a car motor if you press the accelerator pedal and the brake pedal simultaneously. What happens in this case? The engine explodes under the pressure and at the same time, the car won’t move.

The ambulance arrived relatively quickly and I was taken to a medical institution where all the necessary medical tests were made. Absolutely devastated I was waiting for the doctor’s comment. Soon I received the doctor’s answer that all my tests were within normal limits. The doctor scolded me that as many young people I began my morning only with a cup of coffee and didn’t stick to a normal sleep schedule and nutrition.

The doctor’s words made no sense for me. For me, his conclusions sounded very alarming. How can I have normal body indices, if I almost died of a heart rupture while I was driving? My imagination painted terrible car accidents with innocent victims.

And then what do people with deadly diagnoses feel? I was completely confused by all the conclusions as they all contradicted each other. This state increased the fear that this situation could happen again.

The purpose of this detailed description of what I felt during the attack is to convince you that I understand your feelings very well and I know exactly what I am going to talk about in the book.

Questions for consideration: Describe your feelings during the attack, looking at yourself from the side in a calm state. What preceded the first panic attack? What events preceded it? What kind of people and situations could provoke this state? Describe several variants of scenarios to relief your state during the attack. For example, to whom you can call, how you will change the way or travel mode, etc.

Recommendations: The theory of biorhythms was developed by Wilhelm Fliess in the late 19th century, and was popularized in the United States in late 1970s.

According to the theory of biorhythms, a person’s life is influenced by rhythmic biological cycles that affect his or her ability in various domains, such as mental, physical and emotional activity. First, review your diet and sleeping habits to reduce the symptoms of panic disorder. It’s good if you sleep at least 8 hours. Pick and use any system of food regulation to maintain the vitamin balance in your body. Avoid large breaks without eating. When blood sugar is reduced by 10% in a person diagnosed with neuroses and panic disorders, the organism of such a person can begin to generate a panic state. For example, in a „healthy” person in a calm state (without diagnoses of neurosis and panic disorders), blood sugar can be reduced to 50% and it will not cause any significant discomfort.

Moderate physical exercises will be useful. Cardio exercises, such as jogging or swimming, are often recommended during the panic attacks. There are cases when physical exercises become difficult, as because of the rapid heartbeat, a panic mechanism may be triggered. If you manage to exercise, good for you! If not, do not worry, we will deal with this a little later. I chose yoga for myself and I have worked out with my instructor for two years. Now I do yoga by myself. Irrespectively of your physical activities choice, try these exercises: stand straight in the room, close your eyes and bend one leg at the knee, just bend it not very high. Put your hands down. Practice until you find a balance inside yourself and until you are able to stand quietly on one leg with your eyes closed for a while. Do the same with the other leg.

The second exercise is focused on your feelings. In the room, close your eyes standing quietly on your both legs and feel the difference from the feelings. First, remember the feeling of fear — how does the feeling of your feet and the Earth change? Your legs seem to grow weak and disobey. Is the connection with the Earth weakening? Now, remember yourself at that moments when you managed everything, remember your victory in life (I am sure you have something to be proud of) the world is friendly and you can do whatever you want — what feelings do you have in feet now? Hold this state. This is the state of dense growing into the Earth. Do your legs feel like the roots of a tree? A little later, you will understand why this is so important.

Your notes:

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Psychotherapy

Having come back come (I could drive for a few years from that moment, although I love to drive a car) I realized that my life was turning into hell! I wished I had died then in the car, didn’t suffer so much.

The walls of the room seemed to fall on me. I had involuntary panic attacks several times a day at home, without any apparent reason. In the middle of the night, I was waking up in a cold sweat trembling. The ambulance already did not hurry to my address. Everybody, except me, began to get used that nothing terrible happened.

There was not even a speech about business and walking around the city.

I literally could not leave my home and walk away for more than 20 meters, as if invisible flags were put for me on the areas, which were dangerous for crossing. It looked very, very strange for me and especially for the people around me. I turned into a walking dead that walked away from home for no more than 20 meters. I was sitting and looking out of the window at people and cars, like watching a movie. I felt very old, although I was not yet 30. All my beautiful dresses, makeup did not matter anymore.

When I opened the door of the psychotherapy room, I saw a doctor. She was a well-groomed, intelligent woman with perfect posture, with refined features and a velvety voice. She sat at the table and with her whole look radiated professional confidence. At the same time she was feminine. Something told me that the doctor knows about the essence of my strange states (states of unmotivated fear).

Right off the bat, I asked: “Tell me honestly, doctor, do I have schizophrenia? Alternating personality?”

At that time, I did not suspect at all that my therapy would last for several years. At that moment I was interested only in one thing — when would it end!? On Monday? On the weekend? Once, describing the structure of the human mind, the doctor gave an example: imagine a 9-floor house. A person lives on the 9th floor and no matter what he does on the 9th floor, there is also something happening in the rest of the floors. There are processes that the person does not see and he has no idea about them. The body’s chemical processes trigger reactions on the lower floors, and on the 9th floor, the person feels panic, fear, etc. I did not apply all the knowledge of the sympathetic nervous system for my relief, and to some extent, it even increased hopelessness.

After all possible medical testings, the doctor found a strong argument and informed me that nobody had died from the neurangiosis, no one person on the Earth! Immediately some sneaky shadow flashed in my head and whispered quietly: „I will be the first.” But who? Who said that?

I still had a way out; I could study the meaning of this disease on my own. Medications are used to balance biochemical processes in the human body. It’s great if it helps someone and it is possible to continue to live a full life. My medication was of o help to me. My panic attacks were coming back again and again.

If you still have a feeling that you live some strange life, let’s sort it out further. How do human subpersonalities arise? Robert Schwarz claims that the mind protects a person from such feelings as shame, fear, pain, guilt during the traumatic events. Correspondingly, these feelings are „locked up”, superseded, but they do not vanish and they will search a way to crash out. They declare themselves through pain, fear, nightmares, controlling behavior, panic attacks. They create repeated situations in a person. Does this sound familiar?

There are such mechanisms of psychological defense: supplantation, regression, projection, introjection, rationalization, intellectualization, compensation, reactive formation, negation, displacement. For example, displacement declares itself during phobic reactions, when the anxiety of a hidden conflict in the unconscious is transferred to an external object or situation (The fear of going to the store. The fear of being alone at home. The fear of an uncontrolled behavior).

Questions for consideration: If you try to find out what exactly you are afraid of: fainting, or a monster, or an accident, or a closed elevator or a spider — it’s all about the same thing — the fear of death. Ask yourself: what are you afraid of, no matter what the answer is — everything will boil down to the fear of death.

Recommendations: Regardless of the reason why you got in the state of panic attacks, this is the beginning of the exploratory way to yourself. Your body forced you to switch from a survival mode to a self-study mode.